Log in:
Username
Password
Keep me logged in (help)

Forgot username or password?

Create new login

SEXTIFIED INTERVIEW

I think it's safe to say that this is the longest interview anybody has ever given to me - a marathon session in which Sextified opens up on so many different themes and ideas that, by the time it was over, I felt as though I had just been fucked backwards, forwards and sideways to Christmas, while being dragged through a hedge by my nipples. But in the nicest possible way, of course.

So turn off the phone, pour yourself a drink or three, and settle down for a truly exhilarating read.

The first chapter of Sextified's story was published here almost a year and a half ago. Since then he has published the complete book, plus twelve chapters of the next part of the trilogy. The subject matter is spread across a variety of categories but with an emphasis on fetish. To begin with, tell us about that.

Before I do that I'd just like to thank you for the opportunity to be interviewed. I took a long time thinking about it before I accepted. Its pretty unusual for me to do this sort of thing. But after realizing how much reading the other interviews had helped me in writing my project, I felt I needed to pay something back.

For years I watched and read about just about everything that's out there. Even before I was old enough to properly do so. Sort of a preemptive voyeuristic exploration. I wanted to find out what I might want to actually try myself some day. I also wanted to have at least some idea of what I was doing if I ever found an open minded girlfriend!

But as I kept sampling over the years something kept bothering me. I noticed a slowly increasing trend. Certain sexual acts always included the degradation and abuse of the receiving partner. Over time it just seemed to get worse. I had more and more trouble finding both erotica and porn that I could enjoy without that unnecessarily damaging slant.

So one day I broke my own self imposed decades long moratorium . . . especially about writing anything personal . . . and gave producing erotica a try.

I had several fuzzily thought out goals which have become much clearer to me over time. Perhaps the most important was to show in a story that people can overcome tragedies of sexual and personal natures. With the right partner, it's possible to heal more than enough to have a real life again after almost anything.

My second goal was to stress that what goes on between two people is their business. If a sex act is well handled, and agreeable to both partners, can it really be called a fetish? Even 'normal' sex that gets out of control can be bad for a relationship. Whose to say what is right and what is wrong?

So in my mind, good sex is anything that brings a couple closer together. Bad sex is anything that drives them apart.

Most people involved in the weirder side of things can't say why they feel drawn towards something. I have only guesses at what attracts myself to certain fantasies. But in my own life I've never pursued them. Because of that, I wanted to write about characters that where determined to explore their sexual inclinations. People who didn't shy away adventures in the bedroom, despite the obvious risks.

Who is Sextified? Tell us a few things about you - name, age and so on.

After a few particular chapters came out, the comments I got made me realize some of the readers were still unsure if I was a guy. One person insisted that I was a female, just because of the way I wrote a specific scene. I try my best to write these days from both perspectives, in each and every chapter. I was very honored by their insistence.

Actually I'm just an average guy in his mid-forties that tries to keenly observe all aspects of life.

I was married, very briefly, once in my early twenties. Not going to do that again. Not until I'm sure I have the right person. Still looking though, and I always will be. Just not too confident the right woman for me is even out there anymore. I'd much rather be alone than with the wrong person again. Been there. Done that.

I'm very quiet, and with a few notable exceptions, I tend to stay in the background. Or safely behind a camer But I'm apparently very easy to talk to. Almost too easy.

I've had people open up and tell me the most amazing or tragic things. Usually complete strangers or very inebriated friends. I've learned the hard way that if I'm around after someone has had a few drinks, they will just suddenly blurt out some horrible thing that had happened to them.

Most were ashamed of their past but their relief was very obvious when they'd finally told someone about it. I almost lost a few friendships before I learned to never discuss the subject with them again. Sometimes even with their prompting a second talk.

More than one person totally denied they ever told me anything after sobering up.

There's nothing about me that on the surface would make me stand out in any way. I do firmly believe that I 'think' differently than other people though. I'm a problem solver. I like to fix things or come up with ways to do things better. How I come up with the solutions inside my mind is a bit too complicated to try and explain here.

But the less fuss and attention that gets focused on myself in any venue, the better I feel about myself.

Half the problems I've had in life . . . just trying to take care of things . . . have come from getting recognized for what I was doing. I'd rather just work behind the scenes, while everyone else stands around arguing over what to do. Usually, by the time they can even agree on the time of day, its already been fixed.

How and when did you begin writing erotic stories?

I've been told that I have a very good and unique sort of imagination. I slowly gravitated to enjoying written porn over videos and photography. I was a big fan of Penthouse letters, but was convinced that none of that stuff ever happened in real life. At least they weren't to me or any of my close high school or college friends.

Then I got hooked on those small letters magazines, the kind they bundle in three packs to get rid of the old back issues. I can't even tell you how many of those I've owned over the years! But even when publishers started specializing in certain fetishes for entire issues, I really started feeling unsatisfied with them.

Then I switched to erotica on the web. After the initial shock about how much was out there for free, I eventually found I had the same problem.

The authors always concentrated on the acts themselves - the physical sensations involved - not how the people experiencing them felt emotionally.

One of my favorite classic mainstream authors gave me an ide He mentioned in a interview once that he had written a porn novel to break into the business. There was no Penthouse, Letters magazines, or the internet back then. Ghost writing the pulp porn novels was an accepted, if a bit risky, way of getting started.

He commented that good writing is always good writing, regardless of the subject.

Action is action. Whether its sex, sword fighting, or a bar room brawl in a western - it doesn't really make a difference. Creating believable scenes in people's minds . . . and filling them with characters readers can actually care about . . . is what really matters to your audience.

That's true if its only for one person, ten thousand, or ten million.

He wrote Sword and Sorcery novels. It's impossible to write about anything in that genre from personal experience. I mean there isn't a dragon around every corner in the real world. Damsel's in distress, maybe, but no fire breathing lizards!

For me, sexual fetishes are kind of the same way. It's a challenge to be able to write about things I have never done in a totally convincing matter. Even those things I would never willingly do or have no interest in.

My characters want to have the experience, so I have to figure a way to express their emotions, unclouded by my own thoughts and prejudices.

So here is how my first ever erotic attempt turned into this unintentionally huge project.

I was rather lonely and upset one day about two years ago. I was having relationship ending trouble with a current girlfriend. I got to thinking about another girl I'd been very close to in my distant past. She'd was in a bad marriage, had a real day job, yet had been dragged into dancing at a gentleman's club on the weekends. Supposedly just for a while to help make ends meet.

I had a very well earned reputation as a nice guy at that club.

I'd even successfully given another dancer a place to stay, totally platonically, while she tried to sort her life out. That other dancer didn't have the reputation for possessing any self control. Yet everyone believed correctly that I was a complete gentleman the entire time she stayed under my roof. Not that the little fireball ever went out of her way to make things easy on me in that department!

My friend knew all about that incident, and kinda liked that I tried my best to do the right thing.

I was attracted to both her looks and spirit. I hated to see her growing unhappier with her life each and every week. We got very close over about half a year, and then she started to have real feelings about me, too. Whatever she wanted to do about them was fine with me, but I wouldn't make the decision for her by deliberately trying to break up her marriage.

My little redhead knew I was willing and able to help her start her life over. That I could do that without trying to force a rebound relationship on her. But she couldn't make up her mind, no matter how bad things got at home. Eventually she had one of those horrible crash and burn spirals, the kind that dancers are deservedly well known for.

I just had to standby helplessly and watch.

In the end she went back to her husband and cut all ties from me. I reminded her of the pain she'd been thru too much. So even though we were always just friends, and was I willing to remain so, I lost even that much. Soon after that, I stopped going to those kinds of clubs entirely.

So instead of just moping about what might have been with her one day . . . six years later . . . I tried to create a story that combined everything I heard and felt about the incident.

I didn't want to write your average short story. I already knew I wanted to write novels eventually, so I thought, why not?

The only rule I have is that it is complete fiction. I dumped everything into a huge literary Cuisinart and chopped the facts all up. I hoped that by carefully combining all of the real pieces together, very differently, it would still have a basis in truth.

So far the readers have all told me it comes across that way very clearly.

Have you published anywhere other than ES.com?

The first six chapters are still over at Literotica in their raw form. I enjoyed reading there, but I found it was too big of a site for me to write for. I wasn't getting the kinds of feedback that I needed. Writing of any sort is sometimes kind of lonely for me. I hate doing it in a total vacuum. All I needed was a few good readers to tell me their thoughts occasionally.

The start of the story was very well received over there, but the close personal contact I craved was missing.

I've been in the production end of publishing since I was in high school. I was an editor on a volunteer basis for ten years for a very small local monthly magazine. I'm still a photographer for them these days. I also sort of 'blogged' online for a well known video game community for over two years. It was a great experience, being read by so many people, but it also ruined any sense of proper writing I once had.

I've helped other authors, photographers and artists get published for years. I was the sole art designer and production editor on four very complicated books. I had to turn materials just dumped into boxes into a finished product under huge impossible deadlines. I fashioned all of the missing and connective pieces, often out of thin air, using just the fragments they provided.

I want to eventually clean my own project up and have it e-published. I still cringe when I read parts of it. Especially chapter two of the first book. I must have re-edited the Erotic Stories version in my sleep its so bad!

I hadn't intended to write an erotic trilogy. Not at first. I just wanted to practice old, or non-existent skills. I thought a meaningful effort, before ever starting on my mainstream book, could really help. I've learned the hard way from my day job - Editing is a real pain. It's so much easier to write what's floating fuzzily around in your head correctly the first time.

I obviously still have a very long way to go!

I'm sure readers have their own vision of what you look like, and who you are - how much of yourself do you include in your stories?

The main male character, referred to only as 'The Rescuer', and I obviously have a lot in common. I deliberately chose to keep his name a secret from the very beginning. Part of that was so the guys could more easily put themselves into a scene. Then I realized the girls had the same benefit. They could just insert their favorite man's name whenever they wanted to.

I'm about six foot even and my weight varies greatly these days. I was horribly skinny when I was young and didn't add any visible muscle at all until I was in my late twenties. Now a days I wish I had more photos of me back then! No one believes me that I was ever so wiry, thin and flexible.

But I've always been a lot stronger than I looked, and it still really shocks people to find out just how much I can do even now.

I've been told that my best feature is my eyes. The very first photo I put up for my Author's profile was just one of them looking back into the camera lens. Then I altered it to match the color of my main character's later that month.

I guess that whenever the Rescuer is talking about how he feels, you could say its me. If you remove what is causing him to speak out in a scene, then we are very similar. But its kinda me throughout the whole project. No matter which character, male or female, is the focus of a chapter.

Let me try to explain that more clearly so there is no confusion.

I've spent a lifetime listening to people. You don't get along with artists and performers so well, not in my profession, without having some real insight into their lives. I've kind of absorbed their thoughts and emotions. Now I'm trying to reflect everything I've learned from them back thru the characters I've created.

So all that I've written, from whatever perspective, is something that I've made part of me. All that we really are is just a collection of experiences, memories, thoughts and regrets. Life gives us the opportunity to make up a unique collection of those, never to be exactly duplicated again by anyone else.

It's what we chose to do with them that makes all the difference to those around us.

What is it about writing erotica that you most enjoy?

I guess its knowing that people get what I am trying to do. I really am perfectly fine with people bleeping out all the story parts and reading just the sex scenes. One of my readers pointed out to me that I had written over forty or fifty for the project so far. She said they were all remarkably different and that she had enjoyed each and every one.

That really shocked me!

I've been concentrating so hard on what the characters were feeling, that I hadn't even realized I'd done that many. Seems really stupid now, doesn't it! But so many of the readers seem to like the story even more than the sex.

Releasing a novel in progress . . . a chapter at a time . . . occasionally has its drawbacks.

I had a chapter in the first book that was very long and ended with just one very intense sex scene. The follow up was almost all sex from beginning to end. I got the worst comments about those two offerings! Each camp of fans proclaiming that one chapter was awful while their favorite was perfect!

I hadn't realized until that moment that people were really taking radically different things from my same words. I've done my best since then to balance things better. Although chapter twelve of the second book proves I still suck at that sometimes!

Part of the main theme is about surviving and overcoming the effects of past abuse or trauma.

That's a real challenge to do on this website. I'm totally in favor of Art's rules regarding what he will and will not publish here. But it makes writing about some real life issues extremely hard to do. I have to dance around and only imply what can clearly be stated elsewhere on the web.

That's had an unexpected benefit to the story, especially for some of the female readers.

Because I have left out the specifics, and concentrated only on the emotions, it has really connected strongly with a few of them. I even felt it necessary to prewarn one of my fans, in a personal email, before I posted a particular chapter. I knew from her earlier comments that the subject was going to hit too close to home.

She thanked me for doing that, and she still reads, but rarely comments any more. I'm glad that she was ok with it. But it was a bit sobering to know that what I'd written could affect real lives so much. It's made me even more careful about how I portray certain issues.

So whether people read for just the sex . . . or are enjoying the whole thing . . . I guess I like hearing from the readers in real tangible ways the most.

Do you write from experience or fantasy? Or maybe a combination of the two?

As far as actual experience, I don't have as much as I thought I'd have at my age. Most teenagers these days apparently have more in three or four years than I do in three or four decades. The world really has changed, and in my opinion, not always for the better.

Sometimes I really think I was born into the wrong decade, or even century!

I've 'almost' been in so many situations that might've changed everything for me sexually. The years I spent as a regular at that local gentlemen's club was filled with observing and hanging out. Kinda like having an x-rated Cheers to go to every week. When you average four or five Cokes to a single beer, you'll quickly find that you are practically the only sober person in the place!

I paid more for small cokes with too much ice than the guys guzzling the cheap beer!

If you are honest, quiet, respectful, helpful . . . and give good back massages between dances . . . you can safely learn more about human nature there than just about anywhere else.

One of my favorite topics was discussing what the dancers enjoyed the most about their business, and what they didn't. I never asked in a prying perverted sort of way. The answers I got proved that my honesty came across more often than not. Like I mentioned before, a lot of the women just wanted to talk.

They needed to open up to someone that wouldn't stab them in the back. That wouldn't turn around blab it to their competitive coworkers the next time they got drunk.

I have a rather low opinion of most of the men they were involved with outside of the club, but a few I respected very much. Hearing about their adventures at home was nice, but not a big master plan of mine. So a small part of what I write about has a basis in fact, but the vast majority of it comes thru the filter of my own imagination.

Is there anything you have written into a story that you would really like to try in "real life", but haven't yet been able to?

I write a lot about something missing in my personal life and use fetishes to point out what it is.

I guess I've never had a single sexual partner that I felt I really trusted. I was married for less than two years and it was not a situation I felt safe in at all. A psychotic compulsive liar would be a kind description of her as she was back then.

When the right person is finally in my life . . . there isn't much that I wouldn't try . . . as long as it didn't threaten the relationship.

I guess the best way to explain it is that I want to experience those things 'with' someone. I am either fortunate, or unfortunate, to not be terribly focused on the acts themselves. I don't want to 'do it" to some random person. I certainly don't want some stranger 'doing' something to me. I understand very well some of my friends bitter regrets.

In hindsight, they say they would have rather waited for someone special to try out their fantasies.

One night stands are good for some things, but usually not the kinkier stuff.

But the other side of the coin is just as bad too! If you never try and never do anything, you'll live out your whole life totally frustrated. I waited until I got married to have sex. That was a good thing and bad at the same time. I didn't have to get married because birth control failed, but I settled for someone I wasn't meant for.

I really like going down on woman. At times I would almost rather do that than have 'real' sex. My ex turned out to not like receiving oral sex so much. She only pretended to enjoy it while we were dating. Once we were married, she took it almost completely off the menu. It somehow got reserved for foreplay only on special occasions.

She was a 'one and done' type of gal. She didn't want to 'waste' her orgasm on something she'd only tolerated to get me to the altar. The sad thing was I truly enjoyed it, and she thought I was trying to shame her into doing that for me.

I couldn't have cared less about her giving me head.

How many other women would complain about that kind of deal! I'm even thinking about having a snippy comment put on a t-shirt, offering my services, but I'd never have the guts to wear it in public!

Does your partner or any of your friends know that you write? What do they think?

My current girlfriend does not. After a very long stressful relationship, we are sort of in the 'just friends' category. No sex whatsoever! No concrete future plans either. The real rub is that she would be just as upset with me for writing anything mainstream like the books I enjoy reading too. She loathes science fiction, fantasy and anything that has magic or make believe as its basis.

We are/were an odd sort of pair.

I have a dancer friend that I met during one of our breakups. I hadn't been to the clubs in almost eight years at that point. It shocked me how much the atmosphere had changed inside all of my old haunts. It was nothing like I had remembered them.

I eventually found out that the reality underneath the surface tension was much worse than I had even imagined.

But my new friend was one of the very few 'real' people left I could find. We got to be good 'club' friends and I finally told her I was writing an erotic novel. Eventually, we started hanging around each other outside the club as well.

Over at our forums, I not so jokingly refer to her as my 'Inspiration'.

After years of rather unsuccessfully trying to turn off my sexual impulses . . . at least around my then 'ex' girlfriend . . . it was heavenly to find someone who would openly and honestly talk about sex again. She had a real effect on both me and my story. I even wrote some of my favorite scenes as a future surprise for her.

Other friends might know I'm writing my own project these days, but only she knew the full details. Strangely, she wasn't into reading it that much, and actually stopped before the chapters she inspired went online. As happens far too often around that industry . . . even though we were friends outside of the club and saw each other almost weekly . . . we have since parted ways.

I even spent a lot of time helping her to get ready to move out of state, but sadly rarely hear from her these days. I really miss her insights, openness and as a friend I could talk to. I know I'll see her again at some point. But I'm afraid it just won't be the same, not after so long of a period hearing nothing from her.

All I have left of my friendship is a few pictures I'm probably not supposed to have.

How about in more general terms - how do you feel about the "outside world's" perception of erotic writing?

I think that most people hold writers in this genre one step above porn actresses trying to get into mainstream acting.

Over the last decade or so, the quality of the writing has improved drastically. The internet has been responsible for so much! But some of what's out there we could seriously do without. Change is not always for the better, but it happens whether we want it to or not.

I'm very glad that so much of it is being written by women. I think that its nice that the sex they want to read about is easily available. It doesn't have to be wrapped up and hidden within a few hundred pages of a romance novel anymore. I like the comments I get that say I'm doing a good job balancing my work for both sexes.

That's always been one of my main goals and its very important to me.

I feel it would be hard to explain or even justify why I'm writing what I am.

I guess I could've started out with submitting short stories to Science Fiction/Fantasy magazines and websites. But I have a very clear idea of what I want to write eventually. I have a whole series of ideas all laid out. The basis for magic in that world is all set. I have several characters and events all plotted out.

I feel I just have to work out a style I can call my own first. I don't want to spoil, or dilute the potential work, by fumbling around writing anything for that project yet.

I'm not fabulously wealthy. I have to learn to be able to write, and at the same time somehow deal with the real world of bills, bosses and bitter disappointments.

Any honest writing about a legal subject is fine with me. I have since come to appreciate the skill to write short stroke stories much more. I dismissed it rather unfairly at first. When the last chapter of the erotic trilogy is finally done, I actually am looking forward to writing short stories.

I want to try and learn that skill by expanding the minor characters I have had to short change in the main work. I like the world I've created very much and don't want to ever abandon it entirely.

If you really think about it for a moment, writing erotica is an amazing skill.

You can't see the audience and they can't see you. There's nothing on a tv screen, no cam feed, no photographs, animation or artwork. All that one person has to influence the other is random characters organized in such a way to try and get them off. If they're successful, the writer has induced the reader to form a clear picture in their mind.

That scene touches something inside of them strongly enough for them to perform a very basic sexual function.

I guess the highest compliment I've had so far is this one. After reading a particularly vivid chapter, a very satisfied wife emailed me the next day. She'd gotten so turned on that she had to wake up her sleeping husband and beg him to fuck her!

At least someone is getting laid around here!

It's was so nice to know I was the cause of it, even if her husband didn't have a clue! The only thing I could imagine being better was to know that someone had printed out a scene . . . and was reading it to their partner in bed . . . while getting aroused with foreplay!

That's a very distinctive, not to mention festive, photograph you have posted in your ES profile. Tell us about it!

You can totally blame my 'Inspiration' for me EVER putting up shots like that!

When I first met her, she felt she was still recovering her original lovely shape, altered by the birth of her son. She was a single parent struggling to get by after the tragic breakup of her relationship.

I had known her for only a few months when she was involved in a car wreck going home after work at the club. I was actually on the phone with her when it happened. A speeding drunk driver hit her small SUV from behind at a stop sign. After a very painful and slow recovery, she was so upset about the loss of all the progress she'd made. I certainly didn't feel that way about how she looked at all!

I told her I would love to take pictures of her, whenever she felt she was ready. I hoped to be able to post a few of the discrete ones to go along with my story.

I got to see a very few of her photos done by someone else. I really loved the black and white, behind the shoulder shot of her late in her pregnancy. So we made some tentative plans for me to take professional shots of her dressed in her dancer outfits. She said it was important for her to have them done, well before she quit the business for good.

I was doing some testing with some new equipment trying to get ready. Previously, I'd only had the high end long distance lenses. I lacked a model for the new toys, so I took a few shots of myself. Knowing that I was in control of all of the files . . . and that it was totally anonymous . . . I even took some more graphic shots.

After editing the best ones I eventually I brought my laptop over to her house. I hoped she would give me her honest opinion on which ones she liked best and why. She was rather honest about her reaction to some of them much later. Most embarrassing!

The ES website says that adding photos to your profile draws readers, fans and comments. Since I had purposefully hidden the first book so well, I was always needing a few extra votes for the chapters of the second book. You need a minimum amount for separate stories to make it into the Archives.

So I finally got the courage to put a few of the more interesting photos up there.

Believe me, taking self portraits without the right equipment is a real pain! Ask anyone that has seen the Thanksgiving photo I had up there last fall. I've only told one person the true story of what it took to get the shot, and they about keeled over laughing!

The New Year's photo will come down as soon, once I have a St. Patrick's Day replacement that I'm happy with. I'd hoped to get laid on New Year's Eve, but I ended up at home before midnight, and that shot was what I got up to.

Have you had any especially entertaining e-mails or comments from it? I'm sure there's a lot of readers who'd like to be blowing into that party favor!

To be honest, I'm a bit nervous to get anything other than lighthearted comments from the guys. I had one reader comment she would have liked to see me shave bare down there. I even gave that a try one more time, but it still itches like crazy!

I haven't managed to find a way to easily manage all the props, lights and cameras, while staying hard enough for the shots. I really need an assistant for this sort of thing. I'd hoped that after taking my Inspiration's photo sets she would have done me that favor. But she moved away before we could get to either experience.

All I will say is that she was truly surprised I had that big a 'thing' down there.

I have a weird problem when getting table dances. If I know, like and am truly attracted to the dancer, I rarely get an erection. If I view them as just a sex object to fantasize about later . . . and I freely admit to doing that sometimes . . . I used to have no problem whatsoever popping a boner for them to rub against. Weird, huh?

I cared enough for my Inspiration, right from the very first moment I met her, that I could never show what I was packing.

Even though I told her what my 'little' problem was, she was starting to wonder if I had anything down there to interest her at all! Now if I can just find the right wide angle lens to not distort the perspective the wrong way!

One thing that I love about ES is that you very quickly build up a community of fans, who enjoy writing to and hearing from their favorite authors. Do you have any favorite topics that have surfaced in these "conversations"?

I took great pains to hide the first book when I started posting here.

I know that sounds strange, but I did that on purpose. There's twenty chapters and around forty sex scenes buried under that one tiny link. That's over 300,000 words, even if you don't count all the recaps, character bios and reviews.

Book II is over halfway done and will surpass that word count by far.

As an author, I can see the number of views and reads each chapter receives. I can't tell who is clicking on them, just that someone has. I have quite a number of anonymous fans and voters. Since the story wanders thru some of the more extreme categories, I can certainly understand that. I have a hard time voting for stories in some genres myself.

But I'm constantly surprised by emails from people that say they have been with me from the beginning and have read the whole thing!

Comments about how what I write makes you feel . . . or what it's caused you to do in your own sex life . . . are very important to me. The story line is very set for all three books, but the potential sex is still fluid and it does change. What's planned for the bedroom is still evolving as I learn more about my own characters and myself.

Some of what I write will upset readers, even more than it upsets my characters.

I know that some of the sex might not be their cup of tea, especially as Book III starts getting released. But nothing I write is without a purpose or is gratuitous in any way.

I guess my favorite line of discussion is that most readers haven't a clue about what's going to happen next. Or when it does happen, it occurs in such a way that's outside of their expectations. One of my main female characters is clinically insane after all, so it's sometimes hard even for me to predict what she is going to do next!

Most readers just say they are enjoying the story, and the sex, and they're afraid to make specific comments. They are a bit shy, just in case it influences me in some adverse way. Some have specifically asked for me to avoid spoilers in my responses, just so they can be surprised by events as it all happens.

My Inspiration and I had some very honest talks about what she likes and dislikes. She even likes porn! We had a few websites in common, and she acted out more than a few of her favorite positions while dancing for me.

Since the story has a strong recurring BDSM and Fetish theme, I get the occasional comment from the people actually living that lifestyle. One reader brought home how special it is when you find someone to share that with. When you lose them . . . for whatever reason . . . it can be devastating to try and replace them.

I do wish I got more comments these days . . . or interesting photos . . . but the way I chose to release the first book is handicapping that. If every chapter was separate I'd have thirty-two stories that could have been noticed instead of just thirteen. But I do try to respond to everything I get, even the ones with constructive criticism.

How do you feel when you receive negative comments or very low votes from readers?

I am very slowly growing a much thicker skin these days. Trolls were one of the things that prompted me to leave Literotica so quickly. Not that I was getting attacked by them, but just that so many were out there making life miserable for the people volunteering a free service.

It's free only in the sense the readers pay nothing. There is a very high cost for the authors. Some pay more than others for sharing.

After much discussion over at 'our' forums, its basically been decided the voting has become a bit skewed over time. Some common sense precautions, taken long ago, have eliminated a lot of past manipulation and games. But any voting system can be used or abused.

Two years ago 100 fans or a 9.00 average guaranteed you a spot on the top lists.

That just won't cut it these days. I feel a little sorry for the inactive authors who are slowly getting knocked off the lists. Their work is getting obscured just because of the changes in voting trends. But getting up there is not important to me at all, in fact I'm very leery of it.

Another author once shared with me to watch out if I ever got close to the Top 100 Rated List.

She said that the moment I showed up there, to look for a sudden rash of low votes knocking me right back off. Sure enough, I think I was on there for about a day when I got my first ever '1' vote. Then a rash of sixes and sevens. All random with only one inane comment.

Since then, I try to be only concerned with comments made by people I have come to know. Certain kinds of feedback do infuriate the other authors trying their best to make this site special.

Don't complain about subject matter clearly labeled in the categories they were posted under!

If you have a problem with infidelity, lesbianism, gay sex, domination or a particular fetish, why in hell are you reading a story clearly marked as such? Most authors that allow public comments just wipe those observations out with a single key stroke.

And they wish they could erase the crippling low votes just as easily.

I tend to keep my chapters over in the bisexual section, even if that part of the story has nothing to do with that genre. Very few writers post over there, and some of my characters are rather well known for that sort of thing. I hope the readers don't mind too much. My project is so large no category seems to consistently fit it.

So please understand that I am erring on the side of caution and don't be turned off by the sole fact my work always seems to end up in that section. That's the one criticism I am honestly guilty of and I have yet to receive a complaint about.

So I will take the time to apologize for it now.

If the readers in the bisexual section are ever offended or disappointed . . . that a particular chapter doesn't have that kind of sexual content inside . . . I'm truly sorry!

What kind of stories would you never write?

I'd like to think I 'could' write about almost anything. The website itself prohibits certain subjects for legal reasons. Art himself has publicly said he's glad of those subject restrictions from his own personal point of view.

There is a very fine line here that I am going to have to dance around pretty soon.

But I would not write or handle any sensitive subject carelessly or in a gratuitous matter. One reader asked why I have delayed so long in getting to the 'good stuff'. They know it's coming. I want to be able to show those events matter to the characters when they happen to them. I want my reader's to be able to care about it then, too!

Part of the slow and sometimes painful progression of the story is for me to catch up skill wise with my own creation.

Also, I am not comfortable yet writing about some of these subjects. Part of this entire process is for me to deal with why I feel that way. Unresolved issues in my own past are still affecting me in real life, and this creative process is helping me to fix that.

And do you read, and respond to, other writers on the site? Who are your favorites?

Here I have to chicken out, but I will honestly explain why.

I have stopped reading almost everything everywhere. Several hobbies that I've enjoyed for years have fallen aside. There is a growing stack of vintage books, tucked away on a glass shelf, that I've collected that wait to be read. For some reason, I've found I can't read while I am in the midst of writing a project.

The problem started out slowly but has gotten much worse lately.

It's not personal with anyone writing here. Before I started writing I voted all the time. I love what little I've sampled since then too. Both the new and old stuff deserves much more of my time, support, comments and votes.

I freely admit to being a hypocrite that way. I want feedback from others but somehow feel uniquely unqualified to give it at this time.

Its a shame. I took about three months off of writing before I moved over here from Literotic I reread every single book I ever really enjoyed. Then I analyzed why I liked them so much. I looked at styles, points of view, scene setting and world building in every case.

Although my job requires me to be an editor on some days in real life, I was always able to turn that *&^$&@#$ off before whenever I read for fun. Up until just a few months ago I was still able to read other genres besides erotic But since I started writing the second book, it's slowly come to encompass about damn near everything.

Now I can't seem to be able to read anything at all!

I have a few guesses why that's so, but if I'm right, it won't get any better until the last book is done. That's going to be over a year from now. In the mean time, my shelf gets heavier and heavier every day. I need to finish this thing before the glass just shatters and collapses all on its own!

Have you ever been filmed or photographed having sex?

No. The pictures on my profile I change out occasionally were the very first ones I've ever allowed. And that was just because I took them personally. When I was editor of the magazine, I very carefully removed any picture of myself that I could get away with. Now that I'm just in a supporting role there, a few more have managed to slip thru.

I hate mirrors and my main character loathes them as well.

Back when I was young, I was too skinny. For a pitiful few years I actually felt my body was about right. Now I deal with the same problems every middle age male does. At least my main character has a full head of hair! Probably my only conceit in this whole process!

But I would be more than glad to photograph a woman or another couple. I'd even video for them, if it got me the chance to take pictures with decent lights and lenses afterwards. I have a talent for it and part of my job is in photo editing.

I take a lot of pride in making other people look as good as possible, both in print and on the web. That's why I was so disappointed about missing my chance to take photos for my friend. Not that she needed any help in the looking good department!

Do you remember the first pornography you ever saw?

Like most kids, I think it was my dad's Playboys. Old Hugh is responsible for whole damn generations of young people getting hooked. Both men and women! I guess I was about four or five at the time. Got caught almost immediately of course. And about damn near every time after that too!

My dad was eventually forced to remove them from the house by my mom. But when he would take me up to his work, I quickly found them again. Something about the magazines just affected me very strongly. I'm a very visual person in the first place, and I think that shows up in my writing.

I used to like to go to the men's clubs for the visual aspect alone. Sometimes it was a surprisingly non-sexual experience for me. Half the time I paid for dances just for a closer look. Whenever they started to get too carried away, I had to stop them. A better example of that is this.

One of my club friend's was on the run from her so-called boyfriend. She decided to just ditch us all and go into hiding. I finally tracked her down working at a totally nude club. She always swore she'd never go that route, and especially in that rough a part of town. So I was the only one that logically thought to look for her there.

I didn't let anyone else know where I'd found her, just that she was ok. I even had to tell that to her parents. They'd hated her bastard of a boyfriend that she'd been with since she was fourteen.

So I convinced her to dance at a much safer nude club, and went there regularly to keep tabs on her. I hated the whole damn atmosphere! I even made the girls, that my friend jokingly would send over to keep me company, dance only topless. This from a guy that loves eating women out! I guess it was something along the lines of "If I can't have it, don't you dare shove that in my face!"

But as an art, for me watching a woman dance, there's still some mystery left.

As for movies? Good 'ol Cinemax. I guess I thought soft porn was all there was for a very long time. But once I was out on my own, I spent a small fortune catching up. I guess that's why I am pretty bored with all of the mainstream stuff these day. It all seems very repetitive and shallow now.

The very first fetish videos I saw blew me away though, especially the amateur stuff.

I still really can't imagine having a partner, that I cared about, to share watching that kind of thing with. Much less exploring it with them in my own bedroom! But these days, you can find employees of any big city escort service more than willing to do those sorts of things. Girls will either take the abuse or dish it out. You can even go to some of the underground clubs and get the same thing for free from a one night stand.

In my opinion, neither of those options is safe in any way.

What's the kinkiest thing you have ever done?

That's pretty easy.

I was on a long road trip, and my wife and I were with a big group. Rooms at one of our stopovers were in short supply. We all had to pack in like sardines. Maybe ten to a room. Since we were married, we rated one of the three beds. We got the one next to the extremely noisy old air conditioner.

It was a vacation, and we hadn't had that much time alone lately, and even less rushing to prepare for the trip. This was not what we had planned. So things immediately got a little frisky, despite the semi darkness and the random nature of the covering noise.

My ex put me inside of her, with me spooning her from behind, and she wasn't going to be denied getting off! Every time the damn noisemaker stopped - we had to instantly as well! The unusual level of control that I write into my main character's sexuality isn't purely fiction.

I was able to stop and start . . . easily at will . . . until I finally gave her what she needed.

Then I quietly followed her, the next time the old rust bucket started back up. She was the one that made a little too much noise that night, not me! The next day someone politely warned us to not make similar plans for the hot tub at our destination! Dammit!

Yet another simple thing still undone on my list!

The experience happened again a few years later, but in reverse. I got invited to go on a rafting trip with a bunch of recent college graduates. Maybe twelve people to a room? Being an unobtrusive sort of single fellow, the women were all talking very frankly the next day, and I got to hear all about it.

It seems before I had arrived, one of the couples that had hooked up for the night just went at it in the darkness. Rather upsetting the whole bunch. The one night I spent with them was on the floor in a sleeping bag. I thought I heard a few moans and other exciting noises coming from the bed above me. It turns out the rutting pair hadn't taken the hint and tried for a second performance, against the express wishes of the entire group.

One of the girls in the bunch of friends seemed a little attracted to me and was apparently available. I was curious why everyone was steering me away from her. They said I was a nice guy and they didn't want to see me get hurt.

The girl I had wanted to chat up had been the one in bed just a few feet from me!

Do you have any fantasies that you would like to fulfill?

Just about damn near everything!

Seriously! My mind may be able to come up with this stuff convincingly . . . like I'm the worst sort of lecher . . . but my body in real life has a lot of catching up to do!

A very close friend of mine was a lifelong lesbian. She never really had any doubts about her sexuality, so I was safe for her to be around. She had an insanely jealous girlfriend. Finally, she grew tired of me always bitching about not getting laid, so she offered to set me up with one of her bisexual friends.

Anything to get me over the post divorce blues I was still going thru. That was almost twenty years ago, but her comment when I said I'd refuse to show up for my blind date still stands. She was worried that the first kinky regular partner I had would collapse from sheer exhaustion, once I really learned to let loose!

But to answer your question properly, I am very responsive to my partners needs first. Much more so than is sometimes healthy.

With one girlfriend, I had a very hard time coming when we first started fooling around. I mean it was premature ejaculation in reverse! Here I was, a thirty-something year old man popping erections every time I was around her like I was still a teenager.

Even though I think of myself as just average, I was supposedly bigger than all of her previous lovers. It seemed that it was true, since she was so fascinated with my cock.

But nothing she could do would get me past the point of no return. Some things that might have worked were off the table. We were trying to hold off on full intercourse, at least until we were more sure of the relationship. That was just fine with me.

I had no trouble maintaining an full extremely hard erection for as long as she wanted to play around with it. Which in the earliest days was every time we were safely behind closed doors. Getting the thing out of my underwear was a real challenge for her sometimes.

I was more than capable of coming, especially right after I got home from our dates.

I just couldn't have an orgasm during our sessions on her huge comfy couch. I could get her off very easily every time, just with heavy petting. I really enjoyed doing that, especially holding her right at the very edge. Once she started coming, I eventually learned to keep her at the peak sensation, until she begged and screamed for me to let her finish.

But I still couldn't even think about coming until she had, and by then she was always exhausted.

It was maybe about three months after we had met before I could finally bring myself to do it. The first time was between her breasts and all over her chest. She spent a long time rubbing it into her skin before she rolled over and went to sleep.

That to me was kinky and enjoyable, but she thought nothing of it. We went at it like gang busters for the next year. Having fun flirting, with me stopping just short of being fully inside her. I would rub my now very angry cock . . . up and down her lower lips . . . until she just shook in an orgasm.

But I never took it too far, because of the hours we'd spent hammering out our agreement. She eventually got mad at ME for having too much control and honesty.

She wanted to have sex, but only if she could blame me for it later.

When we actually went all the way, she was the one responsible for the deed! Then slowly things changed. It was nice, but very painful for her afterwards, no matter how careful and considerate I was.

I mean I was always ridiculously gentle as I got her off with me inside of her. I always pulled out and came on her breasts. I never 'screwed' that up even once. I didn't care about doing that. She liked it and I liked making her happy and less worried at the same time.

But I had to be so careful thrusting into her that it got to the point it was no longer fun for me. We tried just about everything, that she would allow, to not hurt her so badly inside. Different positions at first, obviously, but that was about it. I was shocked to discover that she was actually very repressed sexually in her entire outlook.

She liked the idea of sex . . . loved getting off . . . but was crippled with shame afterwards. Eventually it got to the point she got guilty during sex itself. I mean one moment she was fully enjoying it, and a split second later, she'd change her mind and stop me dead cold in mid-stroke.

She was very, very lucky I was even capable of doing that. Or managed to put up with it for so long.

This was not an act or a tease, we were already doing it, remember?

It was even more painful for her, physically inside, suddenly seizing up that way. And understandably frustrating for me. But she never would talk about her reasons, not the real stuff she was hiding from her past.

It was just so damn hard to lose something we had once shared so intimately . . . and infuriating too . . . since I felt I had done nothing wrong!

Once I flew into a resort town to meet up with one girlfriend. She was pretty reserved as well, but after a late night, she wanted to go again first thing that morning. The shades were already up, filling the wonderful room with light, and I was a bit worried about them being open.

She convinced me that since we couldn't see into the rooms across the courtyard, they couldn't see into our room either. I finally got curious one morning and walked over to the other side of the resort. Unfortunately I waited to check it out on the very the last day we stayed at the posh old hotel.

She had been completely wrong about us not being able to be observed by dozens of other rooms!

So my fantasy is a very complex and simple at the same time.

Give me an open and honest woman eager to explore every aspect of sex she wants to experience. As long as its just between us, there is VERY little I will hold back in reserve. Whatever is left over . . . when her entire list has been crossed off . . . I will happily ask her for what's left on mine.

I would even consider carefully adding other people in the bedroom, if that's what she really wanted. But only once we had thoroughly exhausted all the possibilities that just two people can do together.

To be totally honest, if my Inspiration never comes back into my life, I do have a crush on one authoress here at Erotic Stories.

It's also the one reason I truly hate not being able to read other writer's work these days. I'm glad I saw her photo and at least read her interview before I stopped reading completely. I can't wait to the next time I take a long break, just so I can finally read her stories.

If you have never checked out JenniferO's picture and interview please do!

I'm not even sure if she is still actively writing anymore. But on the surface, she's is exactly what I envisioned one of my main characters originally looked like. And as far as her background, she appears to be a close match for what my best friend hoped I would find in a woman one day.

One night as we sat out on his patio, with me actually drinking a bit, and we worked out exactly what he thought I was looking for. If you took her interview . . . and then went down his list point by point . . . that's exactly who you would end up with!

Maybe someday I'll even get up the courage to email her!

What is a major turn on for you during sex?

That's another easy one.

Honesty above all else. Guessing games are fun in some areas, but not full time, and especially not in the bedroom. Sex is too important in a relationship!

I'm basically a pretty easy going guy in real life. Very few things will make me mad enough to fight or get truly upset. But when it happens, for the right reason, I have a very serious temper. I have a slow fuse, so don't worry about it going off by accident. I don't have a hair trigger even at the times I should.

For that reason alone . . . a lot of women seem to misunderstand me . . . and the potential I can bring to any serious relationship.

I like pleasing my partner, first and foremost. I tend to adapt to what they need in bed. But I'm not shy and I don't need a drill sergeant shouting orders at me. Just let me know, while things are happening, if you really like how I'm doing them. I can usually figure things out from just the small sounds you make.

But just because I tend to drift towards what turns you on . . . that doesn't mean that I'm not having fun . . . or incapable of asking for what I want too.

I can be just as happy playing the role of the aggressor, if that's what we are both in the mood for. Nice guys are capable of a lot more force, and clever role playing, than women tend to think we are capable of in the bedroom.

I actually like talking a bit afterwards. Imagine that! I'm not the roll over and fall asleep kinda guy. I'm the 'when can we do it again - is now okay?' type. But I'm much more easy going about that then it sounds. I need sex to be a comfortable part of the relationship. Being pushy and too needy is not my idea of comfortable.

Sex is very important and should take a lot of different forms. Women are usually much more sexual than men give them credit for.

I personally think there are many different kinds of sex . . . and to arbitrarily abandon or prohibit any of them . . . will eventually cause trouble in even the best paradise. Woman need to fuck, make love and have romantic sex, too. Sometimes all in the same day! They also need to feel comfortable enough to explore any fantasies they might have.

It might be something they have already tried once, and it didn't go so well. It's rough and devastating, for either sex, to ask for an experience and have it be rejected out of hand. Whether it is out of prejudice, fear, spite or stubborn male pride doesn't matter in the long run.

What I think is actually worse than that is something most people don't even consider.

If a past partner did something that they once loved, it can be hard to ask for it again from a new lover, for many reasons. Fear that they will somehow taint a precious memory is not something to dismiss lightly. Or they may be worried that their current partner can't duplicate the impossible.

There is only one first time after all.

But the good news is that there can be a new first time with a new lover . . . as long as you are both open and honest about the experience . . . preferably before it happens.

For me?

I love taking showers and baths. Foreplay, or even just teasing while you are getting ready for work, is so much more fun in there. Although sometimes actual sex is better off left for when you are back in bed.

Partial nudity is so neglected these days. A woman can be so much sexier with a little something left to the imagination. Guys are hunters. We need to have something left to do when we catch you. Give us something to take off! Even if I just have seen everything . . . and the girl puts a night shirt back on to sleep in . . . I immediately start scheming how I can see what's underneath it again.

Stairs. Not sure why. Any type. Just never done it and I'm anxious to cross it off my own constantly growing list.

Massages. Giving rather than receiving them.

Its almost an ultimate sign of trust if I accept one from you that actually means anything. The longest massage I ever gave I did on a dare at a strip club. I told a club friend one day, that anytime it was a slow night to call me up, and I'd give her the works for at least an hour and half.

Right there in the VIP room in front of everyone!

I got a call about a month later, asking if I'd been serious about my offer. I dropped everything and rushed right over. She was completely comatose . . . and unable to stand up under her own power . . . well before I was even halfway finished!

I kept on going though, until the time was up. A bet is a bet! If she hadn't been reasonably happily married, to an otherwise very jealous husband, something WOULD have come of that performance though!

How about a major turn off?

Dishonesty.

I've been hurt too badly, far too many times, to tolerate it ever again. I am forgiving, but not stupid. Lie to me all you want . . . and I can usually deal with it . . . especially if you tell me before we ever get intimate.

Not counting the last year of my marriage, or the few months during a failed reconciliation after our divorce, I've only had sex with one woman I didn't genuinely care about.

Worst sex I ever had. Period. Enough of that subject.

I don't have any set list of characteristics that attract me, other than what you can't see from the outside. A pretty face and a killer body might get me to look the first time we meet. I am human after all! But it takes much more than that to get me truly interested.

Once I get to know a woman, if they aren't the kind of person I'd want, I'm not getting pushed into anything whatsoever. I once saw a rather enticing photo of very sexy woman posing half naked on a beach. The vulgar quote beneath it said something like this:

"Some guy, somewhere in the world, was sick of putting up with this woman's bullshit! And he kicked even her out of his bed!"

I was almost tricked into sleeping with a married dancer one time. I fell for her rather hard after she had been just a 'club friend' for almost six months. Something always made me nervous about her though. Oddly, her kid sister worked there with her, too.

The younger girl claimed to be married and my so-called friend was supposed to be single. Most of her coworkers thought the younger sibling was the wilder and sneakier of the two.

They were both from my own home town and we knew some of the same people and places. I sort of let my guard down for a moment, because of that surprise, and bought the load of crap she'd been spouting at me hook line and sinker.

Luckily, before things went too far, her own sister ratted her out. Their marital statuses were actually reversed.

The odd thing about the whole incident was that her older sister had no reason to try and hurt me. She wasn't getting a huge amount of dances from me. She wasn't begging for cash or gifts. She even stopped making me pay for dances entirely at one point.

All I ever could figure out was that she liked hurting people, by toying with their emotions. When the bitch really started getting her emotional hooks into me her baby sister had enough. I was glad she did that. I really don't think I could have kept a handle on my anger if we had gone too far.

I like playing games, much more than your average person, but certainly not that twisted kind!

What attracts me physically?

I'm not a big fan of fake breasts. Or even natural ones that are too large. I like smaller, sensitive well formed handfuls. It also hard on me to be attracted to a woman that has to be made up before she feels sexy. There's a lot to be said for having a quiet natural sort beauty to wake up to every morning.

Me? I know I'm an ogre before I've had a Coke, a shave and shower! :)

When I was younger, there was a type I seemed to lust after physically more than the others. As I got older, my tastes have slowly changed. But the entire time I was pretty up front and honest about it. I once got caught glancing at another woman while on a date. Then I had to face one of those 'no win' questions every guy dreads.

All I could come up with was the bold statement that I would ALWAYS look . . . but could be trusted to never do anything about it . . . even if I was only involved in just a casual relationship.

I have almost no poker face and its something anyone I date learns pretty quickly. I honestly told my date that the day I stop wanting to look, even admiringly from a far, is the day she really had something to worry about. It meant that I was either dead or that I had given up sex for life!

My ex-wife and I had a huge misunderstanding, one that really hurt us in the bedroom, just a few months after we were married. Like I've said before, I loved to take baths and showers together. I'd come back from working out, or running, and the first thing she would try to do was attack me. She never would explain why though, no matter how hard I pressed her for an honest answer

I was too self conscious about my sweaty condition to let her do it very often. But that was exactly how she liked me the best! Pheromones I guess. Women probably do have a much better sense of smell than we do.

Soon, in what I thought of as retaliation, she started avoiding joining me in the shower. I rather peevishly started to complain about it. It affected what I liked to do for her in the bedroom. At the end of the day she didn't always smell so nice down there.

Finally we had it out in a huge argument. The simple solution was one we were both too angry to think of at the time. All she had to do, anytime she wanted to initiate a daytime romp, was to take a shower when I went out to exercise.

When I got back . . . she could have met me at the door all squeaky clean in her bathrobe . . . and we both could have gotten what we wanted most.

How do you feel about same sex relationships, both personally and as a writer?

I'd say that I'm pretty unusually tolerant of them.

I have had friends from high school onwards that were either gay, lesbian or bisexual. Some didn't even know it until much later in life, but we all suspected they would turn out that way. Experimenting is one thing, coming out and living openly that way is another matter. I've always felt sort of sad about the whole deal.

Society doesn't treat anyone that is different very nicely.

The whole nature versus nurture argument is pretty must thrashed by one single statement I heard in a documentary. "Why on earth would I choose to be gay?" However it happens, whatever the reason, it can be a very difficult life. More so for the men than the women.

One of my best friends was a very butch lesbian. Maybe she was better described as a 'Pat', if you understand the Saturday Night Live reference. She worked the same place I did, and eventually we got paired up on the same shift. Just us alone for twelve hours at night, for four days a week. I learned a lot about life from her.

She dressed the way she did because it was the only way she felt comfortable. Or honest. It wasn't a role or a game for her. Occasionally she would get frustrated . . . and argue that a more feminine lesbian could easily hide her sexuality . . . and get to have a more normal public life. Privately, all of their options were still available to them.

Some of the women in my story are openly gay. Some hide it very well. For others its just a fad or something their husband's are pressuring them into. The main character, the Rescuer, was in a three year relationship with a woman that was actually more lesbian than bisexual. A great deal of the story is about how they both dealt with her sexuality.

He wasn't the only male lover she'd ever had, but it was close to that. She made the mistake, thinking more than once, that he didn't accept her for who she really was. Even intimately knowing the complications about his own past, she kept making things worse.

She kept pushing his own thoughts towards what he'd failed to honestly consider about himself.

I think as a writer using fetishes to explore homosexuality, lesbianism and bisexuality gives me a great area to hone my craft, and maybe a chance to highlight how I feel about the whole issue. From the few positive comments directly on the subject, and the almost total lack of negative emails, I think I've treated the subject fairly and with more than some sensitivity.

Do you explore these feelings, positive and negative in your stories?

By the end of Book III, pretty much every character, major or minor, has to deal with the issues surrounding same sex couples in general. Bisexuality specifically.

If even one of your own family members or close friends is gay, or even bisexual, its becomes something you can't keep sweeping under the rug. Or change the channel quick enough to avoid seeing how it plays out in our society.

That's not to say that sexual orientation is the main focus of what I'm writing.

Its first and foremost about the struggle to find, keep and stay in love with someone special. Finding is sometimes the easiest part. It hasn't been that way for me personally though. Because of that, keeping them isn't something I've had all that much practice with.

The Rescuer has a new lover, introduced in the very first chapter, that is rather forced to confront these kinds of issues almost immediately. Her shaky answers take their toll right away. Her confusion threatens her new relationship before they can even get comfortable with just each other. That's pretty much the beginning of things.

Can he accept another relationship so similar to what had crippled him so badly in the first place?

To say any more here would give too much away, but although it is as complicated as it sounds, most readers have said they get hooked very easily into the story. Even those that haven't, still say they are very happy to read it just for the sex scenes.

How long does it take for you to write a chapter? Could you talk us through the process?

Other than a few long breaks, since coming to Erotic Stories I've tried to put out a chapter a month. That's horribly slow for a professional writer, but I do try to have a real life plus a part-time job in addition to my main one.

I've written myself into more than one corner by pushing too hard.

I have no desire to do that again. The worst time was a blind alley I created when I was still at Literotic That break was the major factor in causing me to jump ship. I had an idea for two other erotic stories and they kept interfering with this one.

After a lot of frustration . . . I abandoned the direction my faulty outlining was taking me . . . and I decided to do just one big trilogy. The best of the other competing ideas I've rather forcefully shelved for another time.

Then I introduced my most complex character from the other draft into my original story.

This monster was supposed to have been over and done in no more than fifteen chapters at least a year ago! More than enough words and time I thought to handle what I'd initially sketched out. By now I was supposed to be starting on my 'How To" book covering an old hobby of mine.

I have since found out that I have a lot more to learn. I certainly can't even think about tackling the mainstream Fantasy novel I want to write.

So everything is on hold until this trilogy is done. Why a trilogy? When I shifted the idea of Linda's character over to this book, it changed almost everything. My Inspiration had a lot to do with that decision, and she still doesn't know that.

Watching how easily she went from dancer, to friend, to mother of her child each night gave me the confidence I could do Linda some justice. That complicated wench fit the story line perfectly, I had just selfishly held her in reserve. The first plan in the new outline had her showing up in Book III, at the earliest point, if she ever did.

Then my Inspiration had her car wreck and we started spending time together outside of the club.

That made me decide to add Linda to the first book right away.

Exploring the twisted depths of her character in Book I changed everything for me as a writer. I'm glad everyone was so patient while I reworked her into the story. A new character for Book II has just caused a similar kind of crisis. A third lightening rod for Book III has been on the drawing board since the very beginning.

All of them are women and have some factual basis out here in the real world. But they really are more of a conglomeration than any exact copy. I wouldn't do that to anyone I knew, liked or even hated.

Plotwise, I know exactly where the story is going to go for all three books. I now very carefully end each chapter with a very clear idea where I want the next one to move towards, or I don't post it until I do.

I tend to wait until I am in the mood to write. Editing can occur anytime, but creating new material is best left for when its ready to explode out of me in one huge burst. Depending on the subject, I've written for up to twenty hours straight.

The sex scenes are almost always written in one session.

For some reason they seem to turn out better that way. At first, I don't worry about spelling, grammar or tenses. I want the raw emotions, excitement and eagerness to come thru. I've already said that I'm basically a voyeur at heart. While I'm actually doing the writing, the characters are very real to me.

They each have their own separate lives, quite apart from mine, and it works best if I just get out of their way.

I'll be in the shower, driving to work, eating lunch, or fighting other people's deadlines and a part of me is somehow writing dialogue in the background. I really do have the entire personalities of maybe fifteen or twenty people all figured out in very frightening detail.

I can answer any question you can think to ask about them almost instantly. If they would be mad, shocked, sad or feel hopeless when faced with any event. They way they react to changes in the story line is very weird for me. While writing a connecting scene . . . and a radically better idea occurs . . . I can almost feel a ripple thru my imaginary universe while everyone adjusts to it.

The characters are very tied together, even ones just waiting in the wings that the readers haven't been introduced to yet.

I have another older good friend who asked me how I was handling the entire process. The stress of having everything stuck jumbling around in my head. I told her I didn't think I was normal. (Meaning that not in a good way.) That most people couldn't handle something this large and stay even close to sane. That most writers probably didn't do it this way.

She simply asked, "How did I know that for sure if I hadn't asked enough of them?"

I've felt better about myself ever since then! ;)

I write each chapter beginning to end these days. No writing bits and pieces and then hoping I can find a way to stitch them together later. What's still floating out there is totally malleable . . . right up until the time words start showing up on the screen . . . then I very rarely change anything major for any reason.

After I decide on a stopping point, I put everything away for a few days. Then I reread as far back into the book as I need to make sure things stay consistent. Then I read the latest work with as fresh as an eye as I can. I furiously attack the problems I find with as harsh of pen as I can manage. Having done so much for others helps me a lot at this stage.

Then I reread it again. And again. And again.

Finally, when I am truly sick of it, I send off pdf copies to a couple of my new friends. They have graciously volunteered to pre-read everything. They have somehow managed to read the whole series and not want to lynch, murder or choke me to death by now.

But that just may be because its hard to do that sort of thing over the internet! ;)

They catch things all the time. I'm not asking them to edit, although you can obviously see that I could really use a real editor at this point. I just want them to tell me things like - "How did the new chapter make them feel? Are the characters acting appropriately? Have I made some horrible gaff that I'm too close to the words to see?"

It takes them a few days to wade thru it. All I usually get back is a brief paragraph telling me why even bother sending it to them! But it's helped me immensely. Having a genuinely concerned eye looking out for me relieves some of my jitters.

A few good ideas here and there . . . and some very pointed questions . . . have also made me defend myself and prepare for the next chapter better.

Sometimes they suggest that I explain a character's statement more fully. Or why someone is so afraid of a situation they already have total control over. Or I might have to prove why the character would take something from one person one day and explode the next.

Personally, I suspect this whole project 'jumped the shark' a long time ago, but I'm having too much fun!

Then I read it one more time . . . which is where most of the annoying editing errors you see occur . . . then I post it and pray it gets enough votes to go into the archives. (Eleven, dammit, I just need eleven in this new stand alone format!)

Next I write a fan email explaining what the chapter is all about, vent rather selfishly, and then beg for a few good votes. (Eleven!)

I get some much needed sleep and take a break for a few days. Then I watch all of Art's new offerings in the video and photo sections. When I feel guilty, usually about three days later, I start the whole process over again.

Right now, you have a total of thirty-two chapters of your project online. Which do you think is your best? Which was the hardest to write? Why do you think certain chapters have struck such a chord with your readers?

They are all so purposefully different. There is a large cast of characters and the scope of their interactions grows very slowly at first.

For some reason the first chapter, even as raw as it is, seems to grab people and stick in the memories. It's meant to show how bad things can get if things go wrong. I was very graphic about describing the consequences for one of the main female characters.

How the damage done to her is described in the next chapter is almost brutal at times.

The writing style at the beginning is very simple, almost offhand, and only gives tiny hints at how complicated things really are beneath the surface.

The hardest, as in emotionally difficult for me, was chapter eleven of the first book. The second main female character is more than just a little bit insane. There are some very well hidden reasons for her mental condition. The fragile balance she had so much help in creating was shattered one horrible night.

In the flashback, I tried to take the readers deep into the places her madness drags her. I'd already ducked a grim scene once in the book, and felt I had no choice but to take this one head on. I hated almost every minute of writing it, but looking back I think it was worth it.

Not everything in the story is so grim. The light is every bit as intense as the dark, or I wouldn't be doing this. The final chapter of the first book is something I am very proud of. I had to find a way to gather all of the threads back together while ending a long flashback at the same time.

Weaving the Rescuer's two most important intimate relationships, into the same chapter for direct comparison, was the make or break conclusion for over a year's worth of work.

I still get emotional when I read it. A lot of the reader's weren't sure until that very last scene why I had spent so much time buried in the past. I just wish more people had access to it before it went into the Archives.

Is there anything else you would like to say to the readers of this interview and your fans? Now is your chance.

I want to thank everyone that voted and sent me such supportive comments. As the project continues, I'll still need all the help I can get, so please don't stop! The best way to stay in contact with what's going on is to add me as one of your favorite authors.

I send out an email to everyone on my fan list when a new chapter goes on line. It's filled with all kinds of stuff, including background info not available anywhere else. Hopefully as more and more people sign up that way, the struggle I sometimes have getting the eleven critical votes will be a thing of the past.

Finally, do you have a website or a blog, where your fans can visit and maybe learn more about you?

Eventually I will have a website of my own, probably a few months before the first book gets e-published. When that happens I will post the link in my author profile. I'll really feel sad when I have to deactivate the first book here on EroticStories. But the revisions will be major enough that even past fans will enjoy it when it goes on sale.

I know that because I recently reread everything, keeping pace along side some new fans. They were gracious enough to send me their thoughts and feelings on every single chapter. I took my own notes as well and have already worked out most of the major changes to the entire first book.

But having a real editor whip me into fixing it will be an interesting experience!

I'm really looking forward to writing the short stories that had to be cut out of the three novels. So many scenes that only exist in my head had to be fully imagined, just so I could flesh out the characters more fully. Each and every one of my creations had to have something that made them very real to me, before I could ever include them in the project.

I have enough stuff that was cut out for over twenty shorter projects!

I check my ES email account almost daily and am always happy to respond to questions about the story. I love the frank discussions about other matters . . . and photos . . . from women of all kinds. I admit to being a little bit shocked, nervous, flattered and bewildered by some of the guys responses along those lines!

All in all, I have really enjoyed the entire process of bringing these characters to life.

The fact that so many people have come to care about what happens to them is proof that I am learning what I was trying to accomplish. It's also been a healing process for me personally. As the Rescuer has grown, and faced his own challenges, I have too.

I would ask for everyone to please get in the habit of sending occasional supportive notes to encourage all of the author's you enjoy. You never can tell where it will lead. I have many more people I call friends now, just because one day I sat down and wrote out a few words that eventually became this story!

When the entire trilogy is finally done, I hope I'm invited back to be interviewed again.

Please read Sextified's stories!