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EVERY YEAR - EVERY CHRISTMAS

(This story is inspired by The Luther Vandross song of the same name.)

It's Christmas Eve in Albuquerque NM. The evening air is chilly just like I like it. My visible breath marks time with my step as I briskly walk through the park. The hawk tries to whip open my charcoal grey wool coat but this is only a baby hawk. It would take Mr. Hawkins from Chicago to even get my attention. I pull my cap down and my scarf tighter around my neck and keep steppin. I dropped Jr. and CeCe at their grandparents. They're getting old enough now to know I don't have to work every Christmas Eve but maybe by next year I'll be over the pain and heartache. Hell she's only been gone 4 1/2 years. I quicken my pace. I need to get to the restaurant before it fills up.

My name's Nathan Saunders. To look at my lifestyle you'd think I had it made. I'm a successful up and coming entrepreneur. My bank accounts show I have enough money to buy pretty much anything I want but I've always maintained a lifestyle that looked like I was just making it. Right now the greatest joys of my life are my 8-year-old son and 6-year-old daughter. Their health, growth and well being is all that kept me going those first months after she left. It was hard to make them understand that their loving mother still loved them but had to leave because of her addiction. They are still to young to tell the total truth. I was her husband for 5 years, her man for 2 years ...

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