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I have always got on well with the woman next door. Although there is nearly a thirty year age gap, and most people would wonder what a 32 year old male would have in common with a woman almost twice his age, we tend to have a laugh and normally end up chatting over the fence to each other at least once a day.

Joan liked to grow vegetables and while she grew more than she could possibly eat herself she enjoyed the process of planting the seeds and watching the plants develop. I usually get some of her crop in exchange for helping out around the house with decorating, etc., when required.

Last Saturday she invited me round to pick some more beans and other veg if I wanted and so I took a box round with me to carry the fresh produce back. When I went round we stood chatting at her back door and she was telling me about how some years before she used to sunbath in the garden in just her swimming costume. She had told me this a few times before and I had always made the joke about wishing I had been here to see it, and why didn't she give me a private viewing? Joan normally laughed this off with a phrase like "You should be so lucky."

Saturday, however, was different. I said to her "Gone on, nip upstairs and put your old costume on, I'd love to see it. It would really make my day."

To my shock, Joan became annoyed and she replied "For Christ sake, just ...

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