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[This is a semi-true story. Names and facts have been significantly altered, but the essence is preserved. I write, in part, to try to figure out for myself what happened to me a few years ago.]

She lay next to me sleeping, her arm draped across my chest and her breasts pressing softly against me. The scent of our prior passion was still in the air. My mind was racing. What happens now? How could I have been so stupid? How did I manage to lose control so completely? The room was silent except for the gentle, steady sound of her breathing.

I am 41, the manager of a local government organization in a small town. I'm good at what I do, reasonably educated, with a graduate degree, and a stable, rational person-- or so I thought. But the "age thing" has really started to bother me, and I am increasingly conscious of the passage of time.

For the most part, aging has been reasonably kind to me, but the indicators are there. I stay physically active, playing basketball and soccer, but both my warm-up and recovery time are noticeably lengthening. I still have a head of thick brown hair, but it has receded somewhat and is now disturbingly accented with strands of silver. My close-cropped beard also contains the same foreshadowing of silver. I am neither tall nor short, and am lean but not particularly muscular. But although no one else claims to notice, I detect the ...

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