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Well, I've really done it this time. For ages I've been getting away with all those little illegal acts that everyone commits from time to time. The worst I'd ever suffered was a caution/slap on the wrist. Until now, that is. And all because I'd lost my temper. I was out and about, minding my own business when a prick starts to follow me (understandably, this is a slightly biased account), finding my not quite the norm style of dress amusing; in short, I'm a bit Gothic. I ignored the first few heckles, then stopped and turned. Unfortunately for him, he didn't. He walked right up to me, still chattering pointlessly.

I had ceased to listen to him, deciding instead that the quickest way to end it was to scare him. If he wanted to call me a freak, then fine. I would show him just how freaky I could be. And duly punched his face. He stumbled back blood flowing freely from his mouth, and I launched myself after him, knocking him to the ground. Before he could recover I had pulled out the adorable little switchblade I like to carry and held it next to his throat.

But there are always do-gooders aren't there? Do-gooders who in this case were convinced I was about to fillet the little idiot and did their marvellous public act of restraining me and calling the fuzz. So now I'm sat in the police cell for a little off the record interview with a policeman and my solicitor. As the officer catalogues all my little transgressions of the past year I feel the unpleasant swirling ...

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