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Full Circle Part 3

Indulgence

It was a brilliantly sunny but cold morning as I crossed both yards to my home but my disposition was anything but bright. I was preoccupied by the events of the previous fourteen hours and overwhelmed by guilt and confusion. I felt a sense of dread, as though forces were at work which I did not understand. As I tried to assimilate one set of facts, another pile of 'evidence' would intrude into my mind, to be replaced by another and then another. I became increasingly agitated by my ruminations and plunked myself unceremoniously at the kitchen table.

With my elbows on the surface, I put my my fingers on my scalp and thumbs on my cheek, forcefully rubbing my forehead and temple, as though that act might miraculously give me insight and understanding.

'Brenda said she and Ted were confident Rachel would be a willing swap partner. They'd seen the signs. Why haven't I? Then Brenda alludes to Rachel's 'wild past' and things in her current behaviour, the day after Rachel gives me her first blow job to completion. What did that mean? Then Ted decides to leave town the same day as Rachel, and Brenda thinks he's getting strange pussy there. Was that just a coincidence? Was Brenda trying to tell me something? And what the hell is the matter with me, taking advantage of a vulnerable woman while I was supposed to ...

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