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The first thing I noticed was his cock.

It was huge. Nice, plump, and long. Just like I like 'em. Still firm, too. Still hungrily pointing skyward. I like 'em like that, too.

The second thing I noticed was that he was dead. I'm not proud it took me a second to figure it out. It's my job to be observant, so I'm a little ashamed my eyes were naturally drawn to his schlong first. Even the best of us get distracted.

My name's Marilyn McCoy. I'm a private dick.

Don't ask me how I got invited to the party. I'll be damned if I know. I didn't even know the guy, but when I received the invitation I decided it couldn't hurt to liven up my social life a little. Being a private investigator doesn't leave a lot of time for romance. You have to put in long hours, mostly in your office, waiting for someone to walk in the front door with fistfuls of money and a case for you to crack. I log twelve office hours a day. But the only fistful I've had the past few months is my own, holding a big black dildo that I spend an obscene amount of time slipping into my crotch while waiting patiently behind my desk for the door to open. That's what I was doing when the postman slid the engraved invitation under my office door. I'd like for him to slide me something else, but I guess I'll have to wait until I have certified mail or a package...something I have to ...

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stories in "humour/parody"   |   all stories by "T.R. Murphy"