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Now that I'd declared myself in charge of the investigation, it was time to get down to business.

I pretended to be completely uninterested in Ms. Scarlet's impressive tits and my own moistening crotch. "We need to determine where everybody was when the power went out," I said.

"Colonel Mustard and I were in the conservatory," Mrs. Peacock said. "I left to see if I could find anyone else, the Colonel went to see if he could find the fuse box, and when the lights came on..." She shuddered at the memory of finding Mr. Boddy's corpse at the foot of the stairs. I shuddered at the memory of the gargantuan prick that was now officially out of service.

"I was in the kitchen," Mrs. White said, her voice trembling a little.

"I was perusing some volumes in the library," Professor Plum chimed in nervously.

"I was shooting some pool in the billiard room," Mr. Green said.

Ms. Scarlet didn't need to tell us where she was. We'd found her in the bedroom, tied up tighter than traffic to the Hamptons on a summer weekend, face down, tits smashed underneath her, and a candlestick poking out of her ass. I allowed myself another shudder. ...

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stories in "humour/parody"   |   all stories by "T.R. Murphy"