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I should perhaps mention that my bottom is by Royal Appointment, by which I mean, it was painted by a Royal artist, in my teens. See the painting at at http://erofiles.freewebspace.com/cgi-bin/i/Eurydice.jpg.

I was 18, and a student, well, kind of. I'd dropped out after a matter of months - weeks really and I still had my filthy mitts on the grant money which I was using to fund daily (or twice daily) visits to the pub to see my mates that I had missed during my brief higher education. This was in a small town somewhere in the middle, that's all you need to know.

One Saturday afternoon I bumped into a guy I had been seeing, who was doorman at a popular pub/disco there. He wasn't my boyfriend, just a guy I'd been shagging. I did have a boyfriend as well, though, he was of my own age, whereas the bouncer , who I shall call Steve was late 20s or early 30s - I'd never asked. Typical bouncer type, shaved head, beefy, he wasn't even good looking, but god he could shag for England. He made me nervous sometimes because he was so much more experienced than I was. This one Saturday afternoon, I got myself into a situation. I was drinking with some girlfriends, pints of cider, I hadn't even eaten anything, no breakfast and it was going straight to my head. I was in a very rude mood I have to say, my boyfriend had been round the night before, but he hadn't really satisfied me, but he was always ready to go again, bless him. ...

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