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Keys to the kingdom.

As sad as this is to admit, when the most amazing demure middle aged woman moved in next to my parents, the only thing that I was interested in was....

Her satellite television!!!

Okay so I had taken a long hard look at Helen and realised that when it came to looks and figure, Helen was definitely in the "hot" category. But to completely honest, I quickly come to the conclusion that I had about as much chance of scoring with Helen as I had would have with someone like Meg Ryan or Jodie Foster.

Yet the moment I saw the satellite engineer climb his ladder and install the dish, I knew that I had to go over and keep Helen company from time to time.

Talking to her a few days later in the back garden, Helen actually seemed friendly enough, I couldn't believe my luck when she even hinted that I should come over and let her know about what to expect from the neighbours.

Sure I had, not so subtly, hinted about watching the engineer install her satellite dish, Helen wasn't stupid and by the end of my first ...

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