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Minister for the Posterior. --------------------------

"Harriet Smith!" called the officer and all eyes in the dingy corrections centre waiting room turned towards me as I got to my feet. There were about thirty of us, women ranging in age from about 20 to pushing 60 waiting nervously for our name to be called. The summons had said to be there at 9am and it was already 11. Special Community Service.

I walked over to the desk, heels clicking on the light green lino floor. The officer glanced down at her clipboard.

"OK... Mrs Smith. You were convicted of using a mobile phone while driving on 17 August.... Westminster Magistrates Court, 3 points and a £200 fine" She glanced up expecting some acknowledgement of this. I nodded. "... you already had 9 points for various speeding offences so you would lose you licence under the topping up rules. You have opted for special community service as an alternative...."

"Yes" I confirmed, working to keep my face from showing that I was more amused than worried.

You see, Special Community Service was not a problem for me. I knew the system and I was rich enough to make sure that my husband put in the high bid in the auction when the government sold my 'community ...

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