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Cynthia's Chance Part 3: Leaving the Rut

Change is exciting and terrifying in equal measures. Everyone's heard that comment in some form or another. Whether it's a new job, a fresh relationship or a move to a different town, these all give us a thrill, however temporary. Depending on which of the two sensations dominate a person's path, they either seek out new experiences or avoid them altogether.

The rut that I lived in was one that allowed me to stagnate. I loved change but I was too comfortable in safety to venture forth. Work, family, friends or whatever other excuse happened to enter my vocabulary held me firm in their grip. Even though one was just a job, another people I rarely saw and the rest just a convenient way to maintain the status quo, I had a hard time risking any of them.

As I sat in my living room on a late Saturday night, I was naked but for a satin thong. The lights were off and I stared out at the street lamp beyond. The yellow glow was given a halo in my blurred vision.

I wasn't sure that I needed help but it definitely wouldn't hurt. I found the right place to meet people, but I had to evaluate my mindset and really understand myself before I could continue.

Beyond my gender identity, I was a confident person. I was good at my ...

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