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I stayed with Trevor and Andrea throughout that evening and purged more anxieties and grieving than I was aware I suffered from. I suppose it's easy to become isolated when you feel you've lost your purpose in the world and I only ever really talked to my Mum about Barry or how I felt and spent the rest of my time as a sporadically freelance journalist, going to the gym and keeping house.

Conversely, Trevor and Andrea had a fantastically exciting life and I was given a terrific insight into their open and loving marriage over the subsequent hours I spent in their company.

They met on the set of an erotic movie and were married within a year. That was five years previously and their love for each another was evident in everything they said and did. They were friends and lovers, partners and soul mates. They were more equals than any other couple I had met and it was hard to not feel jealous in light of my loss, but they even seemed to accommodate for that and at no point did they make me feel as if I were a ‘gooseberry'.

Andrea showed me the erotic distribution website that they owned and introduced me to the various sexually orientated toys, DVD's, magazines and gadgets that were stored in their garage while explaining how she and Trevor made blue movies that were less contrived and ‘perfect' than ...

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