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After Allen's place, I showered until the water ran cold to try and wash away that filth. I sat on my bed in the dark with a towel wrapped around me and cried my eyes out until dawn. Sleep was little more than an interruption to the misery I felt. This low I had stooped to came on me so suddenly, I felt like a drug addict having a moment to take stock of her life.

The fetish stuff made me hot when I did it...it had made me feel like a woman early on but now, I felt like a slut. That was a direction I was not interested in and I hadn't even realized how quickly I was descending to that point. When I got there, I was shocked. How could I be so naïve as to think that screwing around like that wouldn't end in some tragedy?

I guess I should've been happy that I wasn't seriously hurt.

The next several days, I spent alone, working in silence and maintaining my routines without talking to anyone but my freelance employers. I didn't frequent message boards or answer the phone. When Tanya showed up because she was worried, I broke down and told her the whole story.

The worst part is that she thought that I kinda wanted what I got. She felt terrible for it but yeah, wasn't surprised that Allen had treated me like a whore. Well...though I didn't want money I was looking for something. I needed validation and I got it by being a slut. That was ...

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