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When they started to put me under, I came to a realization that I had never really been scared before. Sure, I had thought I knew what being afraid meant but it was nothing compared to what gripped my mind at the moment the anesthesia was introduced. Everything from rational to otherwise crossed my mind and I was thankful that any minute, I would be unconscious.

There were so many things that could go wrong; anything from an inability to orgasm to, in rare circumstances, localized paralysis. Most extreme was the slim chance of never waking up. Lying there on the bed, having just said to Max that I'd see him later, I was left alone with some strange doctors that spoke broken English to contemplate the ‘ifs'.

My entire life danced around before my eyes. I thought about things that hadn't come up in years. Mistakes of my teenage years, some young adult foibles, jobs and friends, family and acquaintances...people that I'd miss and people that I was embarrassed to know. I thought of them all, struggling to remember their names.

When the [censored] kicked in, I was lucid immediately. Counting was impossible. Unconsciousness was merciful. Blackness overwhelmed me and if I experienced anything at the time, I didn't remember it when I woke up. The first couple times, I was conscious for seconds, recognizing that I was still alive and that I was still in the hospital. ...

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