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I was found out a couple weeks ago when visiting downstairs from my apartment. I'm normally a very private person but an unusual combination of people and alcohol changed all that. Being Mac's birthday, he had invited me to stop by to meet some of his friends. It was the first time I had actually been to his place because I had been avoiding him. He'd been hitting on me ever since I had moved in, but I just wasn't into seeing someone who lived so close. That could get awkward down the line if things didn't work out. I had already had lots of that, things not working out.

And anyway, I'm more of a loner. Always have been. My work is in medical research and I'm used to being by myself for days in a lab, routinely eliminating variables and projecting new directions of testing. I value my quiet time and in addition, have this shyness thing. I accept invitations out yet when I get into a group I choke with anxiety. It follows that I can't tolerate the small talk. Then I'm seriously looking for ways to escape gracefully.

The argument is that one will not get laid if she doesn't put herself out there. But over the years I've come up with a satisfactory alternative that eases the loneliness on a daily basis. The times I have been intimate with a partner were not much to shout about and as a result lots of later self exploration brought out some real relaxation.

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