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the mind of Nick.

Talks of messy picnics and cleaning up, dirty minds and aiming to please. Both of us taking great pleasure in the art of being a tease. Fishing in the Dark got a lot more intriguing, Crickets and no shirts, stars and potential streaking?

Surprise visits at the edge because you were double-booked, You came back after because on my hugs you were hooked. I had a surprise for you, but you were happy when you returned, So a picture of my matching set was sent after we'd adjourned.

Jokes of angry hugs followed by ones to make up, I didn't realize would include a literal shake up. We talked about my work and your concern for my safety, With plenty of flirting thrown in, more about my layers being tasty.

A quieter day, something felt off, yet you were open to a visit, It was then that I learned of the situation in which I was complicit. I tried to handle with grace what you'd shared head on, And despite what I said, to a point, I did feel led on.

I was prickly that weekend, and went for a drive to clear my head. In all my years, it's one of the best ways to clear away dread. Erin and Tommy had reached out offering support and holding space, After a bit of time I realized, all I really wanted was to see your face.

In moments of candor, you shared the effects our hugs have on you, Making comments about how 'playing with your food' is something you're into. Conversation got spicy, what's good for the goose and ganders, and hitting all the right spots, Not to mention the science experiments all about tying those knots.

Ideas of giving you control of my wireless toy, And sharing with you the "out in public panty ploy". Laughing as the hashtags changed from #ForScience, Quickly to #ForNick with such defiance.

Talks of bucket lists and things we'd like to try Not fully realizing the ideas were being shared with Erin to apply. The "tiger in the pants" comment made my spidey senses tingle The negative voice in my head insisting you still want to mingle.

I feel my defenses start to rise, despite my efforts to keep them at bay Internally I felt myself falling into a kind of disarray. You asked about my goals and I put up a wall, Then I grew frustrated with myself for starting to withdraw.

You talked about your thinking problem and how ideas hadn't left your mind. Both of us knowing that things are becoming hard to be defined. We agree we need a conversation, but I ask for it to be after my birthday selfishly, And in the same conversation asked if you'd be my back up DD.

You were instrumental in making my birthday one to remember, You were not my way home, which was for the best with our smoldering embers. Which I think is why I was hurt by being called "friend" It cut me in ways I couldn't comprehend.

Yet in the next breath you were talking about your appetite and liking what you see, And all of the things and ways you'd eat off of me. In the morning you asked how I was and I said lost in thought, I was trying to remember when my ticket to the roller coaster had been bought.

There's this "friend" talk and "you're a good person," Yet "I don't do these things with my friends" is always my assertion. That's always followed by sharing things that could get us indicted, Simple things about laps and how they get us excited.

I was asked if I was writing checks I couldn't cash, I assured you that the account had it covered, there would be no clash. Yet for now, the account was on hold, Due to trying my best to keep things somewhat controlled.

That went out the window the night I wore all the textures As what we shared between hugs was much more than just friendly gestures. There was fire and passion and yearning, Igniting something within me that left me burning.

Again the next night, hugs and lips and moans, Then sending me home to handle my erogenous zones. For the first time in forever, allowing myself to feel, Getting lost in the idea that maybe this could be for real.

Our next time together we crossed the line, But God did it feel good feeling you pressed against mine. Grinding on each other in the back seat of your truck, Both of us wanting to, but falling short of an actual fuck.

I'll share something you may not know, three different times I was on the edge But it was my mind, not you, that kept me from falling off the ledge. We were dancing on the line, one we both said wouldn't be crossed And I feared if we did, our friendship would be lost.

Your mouth, your fingers, your cock through your pants, Opened up new ideas, fantasies, if the timing or situation ever grants. You said when you see something you want, you go for it Yet I have wondered if you regret that we didn't quit.

When you said you needed to settle down on the sugar because you'd been overindulging, I assumed you'd meant gummy bears and Dr Pepper and not the parts of you that were bulging. Admittedly I feel a little foolish for not realizing you meant the parfait, Because it's felt pretty clear a diet is underway.

You've said when asked "Of course we're good!" Yet something feels misunderstood. December was a hard month for me personally, and hockey took a break, This space has felt more like avoidance, but that could be a mistake.

Early in December I tried to share my thoughts, But, at least for now, it's feeling like its all for naught. I hope all is well, and maybe you two mended things, I'm hoping our friendship was more than just a fling.

For the record, my mind still wanders and my heart still wants, But it's not fully up to me, and that's a truth that haunts. My biggest wish is for any awkwardness to dissipate Yet I also must share, I would still really like to reciprocate.

Until I hear otherwise, I will give you your space, Knowing that your affections I will not chase. Hellos, good byes, and stars if their earned, Will be what I give, until things are discerned.

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