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"That's messed up. Very creepy..." I nodded, excited that I was talking about something more than basic.

This guy had potential. I could see FWB written all over his face if only he'd show me his face. I'm not a face person but my guy has to be easy on the eye, and I'd like to know whom I was dealing with. "Psycho thriller, serial murder...crazy."

"Yeah..." He leaned back into his bed headrest.

"I'm a writer, an author," I smiled.

"Really?" He was happily surprised.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Not as creepy a story as ‘You'. Not sure if it'd be popular...anyways..." I sighed. "So why are you talking about creeps?"

"Many people show their sausages here." His voice lowered into confession as if he was protecting me from the seedy nature of this app. What he didn't know was he was dealing with a hunter. A cougar who loved the sight of jerking dicks. In fact, that was her all-time fav fetish.

This was always the paradox of who I am. By appearance, I was the nice, sweet, and cute mama. No one ever thought I'd be this dirty perv with roaming hands. Eyes which dropped to every man's crotch she passed. My mind fixated on the next imagination of sex.

"Oh...really? I think I saw less than ten." Inside, I was laughing, snickering like a teenager hooked on a secret the adults didn't know.

"Why are you smiling?" He dropped his hand, and I saw his face.

My mouth dropped. I hurriedly cover it. My heart lurched.

Damn, he was hot. As hot as one of those kdrama actors. But I didn't want to appear ditzy and tried to keep my cool. He had big brown eyes like a puppy. A friendly face, boyish handsome.

"Take off your sunglasses." He smiled.

"I..."

"I'm showing you my face. Your turn."

"I'm married. My husband made me promise to keep it on."

"Oh...you're married? You sound young and looks...well, I can't see your face..."

I took off my sunglasses and then covered the bottom half of my face with my hand.

"You're cute." He smiled. "Take off your hand."

I felt my ears heat up. I figured it was too late. He saw my face when I took off my sunglasses.

I blushed again and dropped the hand. "Thanks...so why are you on Ometv?"

He scooted back down in his bed and dropped his head on his pillow. "I was watching the game (World Cup) and couldn't sleep after. It's the weekend, so I don't care. If tomorrow is Monday, I'd have to sleep."

"I see..." I adjusted my black lingerie under my blue hoodie, suddenly feeling guilty about wearing my hunter garb. This guy was too nice to be a perv. In fact, it would be nice to have a simple conversation.

"So?" He looked up. "Why are you here?"

I cleared my throat. This was the truth or lies moment. "Have you been stalked before?"

He nodded. "My ex was stalking me. She hacked my insta and posted her pics of her on it and read all my messages."

"Oh my god...good thing you broke off." I said.

"I was in an abusive relationship..."

"Whhhaaat? You were? How?" It was hard to imagine that someone so hot like him would have to take crap from any girl or anyone.

"She'd scold me and hit me."

"What did she say?"

"Words to put me down so I'd feel like crap..."

"And hit you?" I asked. "I'm sure you're bigger than her."

"She'd flick her finger like this..." He showed me the finger flick game the Koreans like to play on their foreheads.

"What the hell? What the hell is wrong with her?" I cursed more. "And you dropped her fast I hope."

"But sex was good. She liked to do it outside. One time we had sex behind a wall, and she got grass in her pussy. I won't suggest that..."

"Wow...she's a wild one!"

"But..." He lowered his voice and looked away from my eyes. "This is embarrassing...she flicks my face, shoulders, penis, and balls. She was unstable..." he sighed.

"She threatened to kill herself...I was worried about confronting her because she might kill me and then herself. But, in the end, I did it. I told her. When we broke off, I closed my SNS down."

The world is full of crazy people. "You got away. That's all that matters," I said.

"And, I have a secret," he said.

"You can tell me," I replied.

"I filmed myself masturbating, and someone took my video," he said.

"Okay..." In this day and age, it was no biggie. I was sharing my sex vids with strangers, with no face.

"It had my face on it..." He looked pained.

"Oh shoot, I'm sorry to hear that...and what did you do?"

"I tried searching for it to get it pulled down but I can't find it. I'm worried that someone I know has seen it."

Yes, that really sucks. Sex vids on the internet happens.

He messed his hair with his hands, looking even cuter and hotter.

"I wish you'd never find it and no one you know sees it. But, it if happens, just say it was done without your permission."

"At least it is not a sex tape," I said.

"A sex tape is better, it is with someone. Better than jerking off alone..." He looked so sad. I can't do this to my family...I thought of killing myself."

"Oh my god! Don't! Your life is more precious than that stupid vid." I said that because I didn't understand the societal repercussions. I said words to tell him it was okay because to me, a life was way more important.

"Your family loves you more than that embarrassment. If you die, there is no turning back. It is done, you just have to move on. If you die, you will leave behind the hurts, scars in your family's heart, and that is way worse. Don't do it. You have to promise me."

He looked so sad. Depressed.

"I'm serious. You are important. People make mistakes. We are all not perfect. Yes, it really sucks. It is done. You have to love yourself, okay?"

He nodded. "Thanks for talking to me."

"Of course. We don't know each other but I care. Just like you left that terrible ex, you can move on with this. Don't worry about it. If it appears, you have to brush it off and just say, it was a mistake, I'm sorry. I won't do it again."

Yes, it wasn't the best advice but as H said, "A man doesn't run. A man faces the mistakes."

Man, woman, whoever. We are responsible for our actions, and lessons are meant to be learned. We grow as people for good or bad.

"If I could, I would reach over and hug you. You will be okay."

He smiled.

"So why are you on Ometv?" He asked again. Maybe he was wondering why the zipper on my hoodie was low or maybe he caught the swell of my boobs and black lace.

H said guys didn't come to Ometv to find friends. Buddy was ready to have fun like I was. I remember saying to Buddy when he told me his sex stories and that he was also byeontae and I didn't believe him.

"Nah...you byeontae?" I said, shaking my head and squinting in disbelief. "You? You can't be byeontae..."

"Maybe not as much as you." He smiled. It was a nice reassuring smile, a little goofy and didn't seem to have any bad intentions.

"Yah. I'm really byeontae." I laughed. I saw myself the screen. I came closer to my screen than I did with the rest of the men because we'd been talking for an hour about all sorts of things and I'd decided I didn't have to seduce him and this conversation was going to stay PG till he left.

Then, I was thinking we were running out of things to say and I felt if I didn't complete my mission with this one, I was betraying my initial intention. Besides, he said he didn't have insta and he had a bad experience with his stalker-ex, so the chances of him contacting me after was close to zero.

"Okay...there's something I need to tell you." I said.

"What?"

"Okay...I'm really nervous." I covered my face. My cheeks were heating up and I can't really think of what was best to say. Besides, I'm terrible at come backs. I'm not quick on my feet.

"Say it." He said. "You don't have to be shy. Just say it."

"I...I..." I sighed and closed my eyes. "I..."

"What?" He came closer to the screen as well. He might have coaxed me a few more times as I buried my head in my pillow. If it was anyone else I wouldn't have struggled. In my mind, this guy was a good guy. We had a fun conversation and I was going to blow it.

"Okay...you might hate me after this. I'm going to spoil this..." I pointed at him and I.

"Don't worry. It's really late. (3 a.m. Seoul time) I won't remember much. I'll forget it by morning. I always forget everything by morning."

"I came to Ometv to fish." I muttered quickly.

"You came to what?" He asked. "Can you speak louder? I won't judge. I don't judge people."

I took a deep breath. "I came to Ometv to fish. To find fuck buddies."

"Wow." He said and lean back in his bed. "You did? Fuck buddies?"

I nodded, smirking now.

"You're married." He didn't push for my age earlier and I didn't ask him his. I only knew he worked at an Interior Design firm and was studying journalism before that switch in career.

"Yes." I said, smiling more.

He was smiling now. "So?"

"I'd ask them if they want to play a game."

"What kind of game?" He asked grinning.

"Byeontae Ajumma." I said now more confident and proud.

"Ah. So did they play? What do you do?"

So, I told him my rules. He listened well. I could have easily lead this conversation to asking if he wanted to play but I wasn't sure what kind of signals he was giving. That hint, him saying he was feeling hot, that was later. It might have started when he asked how I had virtual sex and the steps I took with Number Two guy. Maybe it was then he grew horny or when I pulled out my purple dildo. In between our laughter at our/my antics and the experiences I had with those men, he might have wanted me to show him too? After all, he was the only one I didn't.

He called me ‘sweet byeontae ajumma' and that was apt. We spoke for two hours till it was four-thirty a.m. his time and he said he was really tired and had to sleep.

We shared the same wave-length, alike in so many ways. Frankly, it didn't matter how he looked or if he was a she. It was just the feeling of not having to pretend to be someone I wasn't.

My true best friend is and will always be my husband. But, he isn't the same as me. Our personalities are different and so is our past. That makes us compatible because we are different.

Buddy was the same age as me. Maybe this was the age I was supposed to be. My mental age seemed to be pulling apart, stretching further the days that went by. Red threads strung tight, a noose across my neck.

In the past few years, I had been feeling strange — something missing.

I am in a body, an age that wasn't mine. My mom friends, who were mom's of my children's friends, whom I met due to circumstances and forged together by playdates, were good people with good intentions. But when it came to speaking and interests, we had nothing much in common except for the peripheral.

Talking to Buddy was different. He was a fish who nibbled for a while and decided he was done, I told him my insta id and he nodded that he heard, and with a click, and a whole baggage of regrets later, he was gone. It was after that I realized he told me he didn't have an insta, he'd turned off all his SNS because of the stalker ex.

A zap, a flicker, a flame on a candle. So many times I wished I could take it back. So many times because of Buddy, I went back to Ometv, spending hours searching for him, flipping through the faces who popped up, and sometimes ending up with guys who wanted a virtual quickie. Not saying those were not fun times. Because of them, I had more stories to tell, but I felt sad.

I lost that chance. A potential FWB, a guy whom I could be friends with for a long while.

"I will remember this night. I will remember talking to you in a long time from now," he said. "I won't forget you."

I should have told him that, too. I worried for him. There was a point in time when he wanted to take his life because someone got a hold of a few vids of him jerking off. He was afraid his family and friends would see them. Afraid that his vids were uploaded on some gay porn site.

That's what we talked about. I gave him some positive thoughts and encouragement that nothing was worth taking your own life. We all make dumb mistakes, and as adults, we face them. Those adversities are part of what we will have to overcome.

Dying is permanent and would be his biggest regret.

So, Buddy, I wish you well. And if fate allows you to happen to read this, I hope you are happy wherever you are in Korea. And wherever you are, don't jump because I remember you.

Copyright @ 2025 K Publishing, Inc. All content, including text, images, videos, audio, logos, and trademarks, is owned by K Publishing, Inc and cannot be used. All rights reserved.

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