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Once upon a time a young lady lived in a little cottage in the woods. Although her real name was Jane, she was known to one and all as Little Blue Riding Hood. Quite why she was called this nobody knew. True, she sometimes wore a blue anorak, and it did have a hood, but she could no more ride a horse than fly, and at a buxom nineteen years of age she could not truthfully be called little either. Still, fifty percent wasn't a bad result, and the name stuck.

Her mother looked after the house and their small allotment. She had just begun dating a woodsman known as "Lumber" Jack (she had divorced Little Blue Riding Hood's father after his arrest and conviction for a deeply unpleasant incident involving Little Bo Peep and her lost sheep). Jack was OK, working all day and sleeping all night, though he did have a somewhat embarrassing tendency to dress in women's clothes. Little Blue Riding Hood's grandmother, an attractive lady just the right side of forty, lived in another cottage on the other side of the woods. The cottage was vaguely reminiscent of a public convenience, which so far as Grandmother was concerned was very inconvenient and sometimes downright messy.

One fine spring day, Little Blue Riding Hood's mother asked her to take some shopping over to her Grandmother. She gave her the shopping in a nice big basket, covered with a pretty cloth, and as usual warned her not to stop in the woods or talk to any strangers. Although it was a gloriously hot summer day, Little Blue Riding Hood donned her blue ...

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