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As the school year wound down, I got sick and tired of hearing the questions. Well, THE question-namely, "Did you really fuck Bridget Landau?" Bridget was untouchable, unattainable, and the idea that a relative non-entity like myself had fucked her brains out had my classmates questioning the sanity of the Universe. Mere mortals don't couple with goddesses. Not in high school, anyway.

You can only say "no" so many times, and when I finally reached my limit I changed my answer to that particular inquiry to a terse "fuck you". When you say "fuck you" to your best friends they get pissed off. "Fuck you" leads casual acquaintances to think you're a total asshole. And, when directed at selected male members of our species, "Fuck you" are fighting words. As I learned on that particular Tuesday afternoon in study hall, when Michael Panucci slapped a book out of my hands and said, "No way. No fucking way."

I was sitting, he was standing, and I leaned back so he wasn't looming over me. "No way what?"

Panucci was one of the most popular guys in school, handsome, star wide receiver and point guard, an enthusiastic bully. I'd never spoken two words to him in my life. He tried to stare me down with his dark eyes. "No way you stuck it to that bitch. No way she'd bother with a shit like you."

...

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