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Once upon a time in a land far, far away there lived a king and queen. They had just been blessed with a baby daughter and, as was the custom in those days, they invited all the local fairies to dinner. This was a not entirely altruistic act, because in return for a slap up feed and a "beautiful limited edition keepsake you'll want to treasure forever" (thus spoke the royal publicist, a spin doctor of no little skill), the fairies were expected to bless the royal offspring and become their godparents.

Seven fairies turned up, but the last one was late, and happened to arrive behind an eighth who was somewhat disgruntled at not having been invited. The king had missed her out purposefully, because she was ugly, rude, foul-tempered, drank too much and farted copiously. To embarrassed to admit this to her face, they hurriedly laid on an extra meal, but of course the keepsakes were numbered and hand painted by genuine ethnic craftsmen (in other words, any convict in the local jail who looked at least slightly foreign and could be trusted with a paintbrush), and another could not be obtained at such short notice. The late fairy heard the ugly one give vent to all manner of curses and threats, and resolved to hide until all the other blessings had been cast, in the hope that she could counter the inevitable revenge of the ugly fairy.

So the feast came to an end, and one by one the fairies stood and gave their blessings. ...

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