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Once upon a time there lived a handsome prince in a small kingdom. Prince Interesting, although widely respected as a witty raconteur and all round good egg, was looked down upon by the neighbouring royalty who considered him poor. In fact, he was poor in as much as he only owned one Ferrari whereas they had whole fleets of exotic cars. For royal folk, wealth is a relative term (largely because they inherit it from their relatives). Unfortunately for the prince, when the time came for him to seek a wife they all inspected his accounts, found them wanting and turned their noses up at him.

The prince ventured far and wide in his scarlet sports car in a vain attempt to find a lady of breeding who would consent to marry him but did not look like the back end of a bus. At last, visiting an emperor's palace, he discovered the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She was, inevitably, the emperor's daughter, and her father had spent roughly the gross national product of Australia to achieve the looks she now possessed. She had long, blonde hair (peroxide and extensions), bright blue eyes (contact lenses), a cute button nose (eight hours under the knife of a gifted surgeon) and full, pouting lips (collagen). Moving down, her breasts were the size of melons (silicone) and her narrow waist (sixteen years in an unforgiving corset) flared out to buxom, but not oversized, hips (liposuction). Her pussy had been shaved and the hair replaced with a merkin in the emperor's own colours. Her tongue, nipples, navel and clitoris were pierced, and she had sundry tasteful tattoos secreted about her ...

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