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I was eighteen and out of high school and I was completely depressed. I'd lie in my bed at night only to cry, write angry poems, or release my anger in various other forms. I'd wake up every morning to the same innocent face; those large sad brown eyes, menacing freckles, and my ridiculous pout.

At this time, I was a hard core punk. I liked to wear my long brown hair in all kinds of creative ways. In braids or sometimes I colored it green, blue or pink. I had my nose, ears and eyebrow pierced. I cared about nothing, because nothing cared about me. I wanted to be independent , and a loner. And I was good at it. But I still had a huge void within me, something that vodka or weed couldn't fill, no matter how massive the amounts I ingested them in.

I still lived at home with my family. I couldn't go to college because I had no money, and my parents refused to help with payments. So I had obtained a full time job in a local restaurant as a hostess. My life pretty much consisted of work, getting drunk or high, and being completely miserable. I hid my misery from others, of course. To just smile, nod and pretend had become second nature to me.

One Saturday night after work, I didn't feel like doing anything, and with my dad yelling at me every minute, I didn't want to stay at home either. So I threw on some shorts and a T-shirt, grabbed my cigarettes and headed out the door. ...

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