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It's surprising really, when the one thing you want is right there in front of you, and yet you don't see it, until it may be too late. I'm there right now. And what I want has been tickling my mind and passing in and out of my life for almost a year now. What I want is a man to care for me, and desire me. To look at me as a dream to remember, and a fantasy to live. To open up to me, showing me the pages of his heart, while turning the pages of my very own, telling the story locked away deep inside. What I want has taken form as my friend Mark. We'd hang out at college parties. I always felt like a chaperon, being that he's a few years younger than me. Not by much, but enough that I notice. I'm the graduate student. He's finishing his B.A. I'm the "older, wiser, big shot on campus." He's just a really cute undergraduate. He's standing there, right now, across the room, and I wonder if he's thinking what I hope he's thinking. I didn't even get it, until the night of my party to celebrate earning my Master's degree. It wasn't even what he said, but how he moved with me that first made me notice. Oh, how he moves, and how he moves ME. He slides with a powerful rhythm, and I'm just learning this now.

But there he is. And now I want him. I want to know him, to feel him, to find out what makes him tick. He starts over to me, and I catch a quick breath. "Hi", he signs. I sign back, "Hello sweetie." We sign, because he is deaf. American Sign Language as his primary method of communication is beautiful to watch, and I learned it for kicks while I was I college. It's like a dance. Each person has a style by which they ...

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