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For all the times I've walk this street I can never get use to the feeling of being watched when I am walking it alone. And this morning I am walking back to my apartment in the late morning and feel as if everyone knows what I have done, where I had been the night before. This morning in particular as the Parisian streets and sidewalks are wet with a slow drizzling rain and it must be 11h00 in the morning. After being out all night my thoughts return to Nick who had left Paris only last week in order to be back for the start of the winter semester in Maryland and now I was wonder how it was that we were so close when he was here and how quickly I can forget him and lose myself when he is away. What will I feel and what will I tell him the next time we talk on the phone? Will he call today? Or did he try to call last night? And what did I do last night and was it a drunken dream or real? And why had I gone again with Madaline, my French girlfriend, to one of these parties, these parties where I give into my darkest desires and the fantasies of these men?

"Oh Kathy, come along I know you will have a good time and I don't want to go alone" Madaline had said again, asking me to go with her.

"And of course Farid wants me to make sure you are there", she had added "he's always asking about you, he thinks your hot".

I hardly new this Farid, aside from seeing him at a few meetings and MLA conferences over the years he and I had barely spoken a few words and ...

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