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I saw him as soon as I walked in the bar. He was sitting at the bar watching TV and looked up and saw me. He looked a little bit surprised, but then smiled as I walked over.

"Hey," I told him, a bit shy and embarrassed. I sat down next to him, not too close.

"Hello," he responded. "Nice to see you here."

"Yeah," I muttered. "I just wanted to, well..." We both stared at each other, remembering that night about 2 weeks earlier. "Well, I'm sorry that I wasn't a good lover. I want to..." I trailed off.

I had been very drunk that night, and it was my first time doing anything with another man since I was a little boy playing doctor with my neighbor. I was too drunk, and was just a horny, uncoordinated, unthinking man that night. I didn't really know what to do, I think I sucked him a little bit, and ended up lying there on my back as he kneeled over me, jerking himself off onto my stomach. He finished me off with his hands, and then I took a quick shower and bolted out of there, barely saying a word to him except a subdued, "Thanks, I guess."

But I wanted to do better, and enjoy it. "I want to do better -- and enjoy it -- and not be as drunk this time." He just smiled, ordered me ...

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