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It happened more than two weeks ago now, but still I can't get it out of my head. It's almost like it's consumed me. The questions and self-doubt, the denial, the arousal, the insecurity, the confusion, it's all still there like it just happened five minutes ago. So here I am baring my soul and my thoughts and feelings because I have nowhere else to turn. I guess getting fucked by a woman with a strap-on can do to do that to you..

Still, I'm not really sure what I hope to accomplish by sharing thoughts in my head, let alone sharing them on the internet. I guess I'm looking for some kind of understanding or a some kind of reconciliation with myself. Or perhaps I'm hoping to find a kindred spirit or the insight of others. But writing it all down and sharing my experiences seems like a good a place as any to getting all those voices out of my head. So I don't know if this is an essay or a diary or what. It's probably more like a confessional than anything.

So where do I start? I guess the beginning is always a good place, and the beginning probably starts with me.

I'm thirty years old, college educated, and single. I've never been married, and I don't have any kids, and I have really had only one serious relationship in my life. And that relationship ended about seven or eight years ago. In the time since I've dated occasionally, but nothing ever really took off. I'm not sure why, but I like to ...

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