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The only thing that could save that boring summer with sudies were those two large weeks when my parents were on holiday leaving me home alone. I was twenty years old and many things to find out.

I was not an ugly boy, in fact, some girls had told me that they wanted to go out with me. The problem was that I was so shy that I could not even be friends with a girl. It is not surprising, then, that this situation made me doubt a lot about my sexuality. When it came to think about having sex with them, I got very nervous since I did not know what they hoped from me or what they wanted me to do or behave. So I was never able to reach an orgasm when masturbating because of my mental pressure. However, subsconsciently, in one of my frustrated handjobs I thought that having sex with a man would be easier because I would know what he likes as that is what I like. That thought both excited and soothed me. So that's the way in which, being a twenty-year-old-boy, I had my first orgasm and ejaculation. But I had a problem. I have thought in myself having sex with another man.

The following times I jerked off, just in order to reach plaisure quickly, my fantasies kept on being with me with men around me. That put me the possibility of having sex much easier and more factible, much easier than fucking a girl, whose world I thought to be non-understandable. So what at first was something to have an orgasm quickly, ended up by being my favourite sexual fantasy.

...

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