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Penny was still sleeping when I left the house in the morning. I thought about her and our marriage all the way to work. I kept going back to the ease with which Penny let every thing happen and wondering if that was the real Penny. In all of our years of marriage I'd never had any reason to doubt Penny. I'd never seen one thing to make me believe that she wasn't faithful. She had always been loving and affectionate so why was I thinking the thoughts of her that I was thinking?

The answer of course was the ease with which Penny gave it up. It was circular thinking at it's worst. No matter the question, no matter the doubts, no matter the "why am I" it always came back to how quickly Penny had spread her legs and given in to those two men. How could a faithful wife do that?

I didn't get much done at work that day. I sat in my office and stared out the window and cursed the day that I'd heard the guys talking about Steve and Marsha. I thought about my marriage and Penny. I thought about her final comment when I left the bedroom about working out the details of the separation. I didn't want a separation! I loved her. There had been some major changes for both of us over the last several months, but none of that made me love her any less. Granted, I was pretty fucked up in the head right then what with all the suspiciousness that the previous night had generated and I wasn't sure how I would take it if I found out for sure that she was cheating on ...

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