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You've been after me all evening to open your Christmas gift to me as soon as the others had left—and this after you'd pestered me about what I wanted for Christmas even after I'd given you that flippant answer. It had just been an expression, something to stave you off after you'd put me off that last time and then wouldn't accept that I didn't need anything for Christmas.

You'd had this Christmas Eve party at your place and insisted that I be there and that I stay after to help you clean up. And then you sent me into the kitchen to open the present, saying you wanted me to do that when I was alone.

So, here I am, in the kitchen, and listening to you hum, obviously very pleased with yourself, in the other room while you pick up empty glasses and food trays. And I'm opening the present. I haven't brought you anything, but now I'll have to think of something—something I can say just hasn't arrived yet. It's not that I didn't want to get you something, but I haven't been sure where we stood. I've wanted you and you've thought of one excuse after the other to put me off. What do you get someone for Christmas who you pine to fuck but who continually says he isn't ready for that?

"Oh, very funny, Don," I call into the other room when I've got the present open. "I didn't even know they made condoms in candy cane colors." ...

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