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"Here we are / Dear old friends / You and i drunk again / laughs have been had / tears have been shed / maybe the whisky has gone to my head / but if i were gay / i would give you my heart / and if i were gay / you'd be my work of art / and if i were gay / we would swim in romance / but im not gay / so get your hand out of my pants / its not that i dont care / i do / i just dont see myself in you / another time another scene / i'd be right behind you if you know what i mean / coz if i were gay / i would give soul / and if i were gay / i would give you my whole... being / and if i were gay / we would tear down the walls / But I'm Not gay / so wont you stop cupping my Ba... Hand / we've never hugged / we've never kissed / i've never been intimate with your fist / you have opened brand new doors / get over here and drop ... your ... Drawers!" -- Stephen Lynch

Rebecca was a tantalizing temptress with dark wavy hair that fell down to the lower part of her back; her eyes were exotic and green, and she would come over to my friend and mine apartment and I occasionally made out with her when I was bored/horny/drunk. My friend Matt's girlfriend was named Antara. She was a very curvy redhead with deep grey eyes like the sea, and long long legs. Matt.. well, Matt was Matt, my best friend in the whole world, my best friend since we were three. Dishwater blonde hair, slate blue eyes, a hard looking body, and a little bit above average height. Me, Jack, well, I'm skinny, like a rail, close to Matt's height, and between the glasses, the curly corkscrew brown hair and my dull brown eyes, I don't really think I'm ...

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