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The first sign was the pain.

It wasn't all the time, it hit him at different times during the day. A kind of throbbing and aching that increased, and gradually lessened. It started a few years ago, after he had quit church.

When the pastor had gotten caught banging the choir director after hours, Derek James had finally seen the light, so to speak. All these years, growing up in the church, people told him that sex was bad, that you shouldn't touch yourself, that you waited for marriage and stayed faithful to your wife. Well, if the pastor couldn't do it, who could?

He kept his discontent to himself for a while, but then he started noticing how much money they were asking for and how often, and he thought about how fancy the church was and how the pastor still drove a Caddy and had a gold watch in spite of his supposed disgrace. It crept up on him, and finally he left.

It was a relief more than anything else. But there was no relief for one thing. That was the pain. It shot through his crotch, and was only relieved by his occasional dreams of women, who he didn't know how to relate to at all. Derek loved women, but he didn't know what to say to them.

So he said nothing. He stayed in his cubicle at work and tried not to ...

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