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I watched a squirrel out the window, no longer needing to think of Kathy to convince myself I wasn't gay. It helped me to keep from instinctively responding; he liked it better if I was submissive. The squirrel found a treasure, dug it up and then zipped up the tree. To his or her nest, I wondered? It was a big squirrel, would his mate be invited to share? I wondered if "Hits" wife had any clue that he warmed up for her with me.

He suddenly pulled away from me, "got to go," he said, and he left the $50 on the table by the door going out, just like always. He has plenty of money, and I need it for taking Kathy out. I keep repeating that to myself.

It started this way. I was walking home from school (no money to fix the alternator of my car) past the Hits Hardware. A truck was parked in front, not in back, which I thought odd, and two people were wrestling a big box, maybe a refrigerator out of it. Instinctively, I grabbed for the lower side, probably the motor I was thinking, and helped them get it down on the dolly. Hits, as everyone called him in this small town, thanked me. Then, he looked me over, making an appraisal. At 18, I was thin but strong, blond hear but a dark beard, a little above average in height. "Maybe you could use a little folding money for entertaining the ladies," he said, and I replied "You are reading my mind." "Well, I pay more than minimum wage. "Can you work from 7 until 8 p.m.?" "Monday through Thursday, he added, as I hesitated, thinking that would be late ...

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