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JILL

It was my only and much-younger brother who finally got me to talk about Jill. Jill, the incredible girl, who was, as was I, barely a teen when the tragedy happened.

In retrospect, my parents, perhaps with wisdom that I never appreciated, did not challenge my immensely private way of grieving. Also, maybe showing the temporal nature of teenage life, my classmates—many of whom were Jill's as well—almost never spoke her name when I was around.

Jill's teachers, and her ninth-grade homeroom teacher had been mine as well, also never spoke of her, at least in my hearing. But in retrospect, one teacher remembered Jill in a way I did not realize at the time. Jill was to sit in the fourth row, second seat from the back, this I knew because our ninth- and tenth-grade homeroom teacher assigned seats in alphabetical order, and our class, tenth grade, was unchanged from ninth grade. But, when school started, Miss Babbage left Jill's seat vacant. And vacant it stayed the full year. None of my classmates, at least in my hearing, ever asked "Why?" December 16, which would have been her birthday, there was a tiny sprig of forget-me-nots in the smallest and daintiest of bowls, on her desk. I remember feeling tears in my eyes when I saw them. Maybe our teacher put flowers and that bowl there, maybe someone else did, I never knew, or asked. ...

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