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"Sean! Wake up!"

My bedroom light flicked on, scorching my retinas. I peeked from under my pillow to see my roommate Zach hopping up and down in my doorway like a crack-addict bunny with a red solo cup in his right hand. "What the hell are you doing?" he demanded. "Praying to Mecca. Fuck off or I'll jihad your ass." "You were whacking it weren't you?" I groaned and threw the covers back. "No, not whacking it. Sleeping. I work tomorrow at seven, remember?" "IRRELEVANT! It is 9 o'clock on a Friday night, you are 20 years of age, and you should be out getting belligerently shitfaced and finding some impressionable young thing to slob your knob." "Thanks coach. Any other pearls of wisdom?" "If you don't come out I'll have sex on the couch again." "Fine. Give me 20 minutes."

22 minutes and a quick shower later we were had two shot glasses in front of us which Zach refilled with Jack as we talked. Or rather, he talked and I listened. This happened a lot.

"So the party is above Sole Brothers, the shoe place on Lexington." Shot. Refill. "And I don't want you whining about work the entire time once we get there. No jinxing the party before it even gets good." Shot. Refill. "Remember, it's Karen's birthday, she's in a sorority, and anybody she remotely knows is her best friend when she's drunk and happy. You can meet one of her sisters no problem." Shot. Refill. ...

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