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If I wanted you to feel sorry for me, I'd tell you that I haven't had a date since my wife left me three years ago. If I really wanted you to feel sorry for me, I'd tell you that we had three kids, now all in their teens. The truth is, Elaine was toxic. Lucie, the middle child, is the only female in the house, and she's the first one to tell you that we're better off without her.

When Lucie was younger, I worried that I'd have to deal with boys coming to see her all the time. The reality is that her female friends are always coming over. I've heard that girls tend to hang out with girls who are at about the same level in looks. Kevin, who's fourteen, was the one who noticed that her friends are almost uniformly attractive. To sum up, I'm a 45-year-old unmarried man who sees a lot of attractive, barely legal women in his house. (Lucie hasn't had her eighteenth birthday yet, but many of her friends have.)

My oldest, Jedd, is away in college. Last Saturday, Kevin was across the state for a band competition, and Lucie was at her part-time job at a fast food place, so I had the house to myself. I decided since it was the first warm day of spring, I'd get the pool ready for summer. I knew the forecast the day before, so I had drained the dirty winter water out overnight. When the pool was half-full, I got the supplies out of the shed. I had just stripped naked and pulled my swim trunks past my ankles when the doorbell rang. "It's open," I yelled.

...

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