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"So who are you gonna choose? 24 or 34?"

It was a tough decision. Both had their pros and cons. It wasn't that long ago that I'd started the quest.

The journey to yolo-ing. It was a decision both H and I made. And it was April 2023, and I was chickening out. One thing I'd realized after confessing to H about my evil, sinful deeds, was that playing online and video sex wasn't the same as actually meeting a living, breathing person.

"I'm not into video sex," H said. "I want to meet in person."

Ever since our one week of opening up in December and talking about everything under the sun — the good, the bad, and the fuckable, it was time to venture out.

H had been supportive of my morning vid chats with Korea and the guys I met online. Ometv reaped a bounty of fish, and I was thoroughly occupied for two days a week, and including the sex H and I were having, I was satiated and happy.

But it wasn't fair. I knew H needed to get his thing going and his share of fun.

"The world is fucking unfair to Asian guys here. We are at the bottom of the totem pole," H said.

Yes, it was frustrating, and in the beginning, H wasn't willing to reveal his face or name. He was worried, justifiably, that someone might recognize him.

Six degrees of separation. Social media revealed that someone knew someone who knew someone who knew someone, and chances were, we were connected that way. Someone might know.

But, it wasn't fair, especially because H was definitely a great catch. For a girl who wanted a FWB, with no strings attached, he was a prize. Plus, with fancy meals and hotels, I wished I could have that too.

"I have to chase them, hint, and play soft until they are ready," he said.

"I don't need that," I said.

"Yeah. Cos you are always hungry. The guys talking to you are really lucky. They don't have to hide because you don't. You start off talking about sex."

True. I am a cougar, and I had needs. But, in the end, much as I started being like a boy and hunting for sex, I still wanted the element of care, friendship, and not being treated like a piece of juicy, bouncy meat.

"If I count the number of times you met someone, you'll never be able to make it even with me," he often said.

"But they are online! He didn't touch me...vid sex is not the same..."

"You still saw someone and had your fun," H said.

And that made me cry. Initially, in our yolo-ing and drawing the lines, it was hard to find the right balance. H held the leash, and I was in between dashes into the forest and being caged in.

It was true. It was ten times easier for me, as a woman, to catch a fish than a man. And in general, the quality the guys got wasn't on par. The women online were queens and princesses, and they behaved that way. They might not be as pretty or beautiful or have the best personality, but the horny, desperate guys would still flock to them and hold them on pedestals. The irony was, some of these women wouldn't even get a second glance if it were real life.

"Any guy who gets to talk to you and meet you...he just won the lottery," H grumbled. "You're a diamond in the haystack."

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