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THE PREMATURE EJACULATOR

By Larry and Laura

As we usually did on autumn Saturday afternoons, my best friend Frank and I were at Smiley's Tavern watching college football on the big-screen TV. Our beloved Bulldogs took a beating that day, and, by halftime, Frank and I could no longer watch. We moved to a table in a secluded corner and got down to some serious drinking. Frank was generally in high spirits, but he had a serious case of the blues that day. I tried to cheer him up. "Hey, buddy, lighten up, it's only a game."

"Oh, it's not the game," he replied. "It's much more serious than a fucking football game."

I sensed that my friend had some personal problems that he wanted to unload on me. That's the last thing I wanted, so I tried to guide the conversation into harmless territory. "Damn, I hate this weather. It has rained so much that my roof is leaking." Frank didn't care about the weather or my roof. As he frowned down into his glass of draft beer, I thought I detected the glint of a tear in the corner of his eye. "Well, I might as well get it over with," I thought. "Okay, Frank, let's hear it. What's your problem?" I asked.

...

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