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I thought that the world would tumble down around my ears when I told my wife the awful truth.

It's strange how reality is sometimes such a relieving disappointment compared to our worst imaginings. Contrary to my anxious visions, there was no look of horror, no rush to pack my bags and heave me out on the street.

"Well, it's not like you would ever do something like that," she said. "People think about funny things. If you knew some of the things that pass through my brain, you'd think I was totally loopy."

I felt a weight lift from my chest as I realised that my secret was no longer mine to bear in silence. In fact, now that I saw that the world was standing up fine to the awful truth, it began to seem a good deal less substantial itself.

"Like the way I keep thinking about your friend Roger's dick," she explained, sitting up in bed.

"I beg your pardon?" I asked, wondering if my ears where functioning properly.

"Well, he must have a pretty big one, right. When he comes over to pick you up to go to the gym, it always seems to be flopping around in his ...

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