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BUSTED

By Peter Handler

I was headed home on two weeks furlough from the Army when one of the wildest sexual experiences of my life delayed my trip. I took the vacant back seat on the Greyhound bus and stretched out to take a nap. As we crossed the Great Plains headed west, the rhythmic swaying of the bus and the drone of the engine lulled me to sleep. A loud clatter from the engine directly beneath me awoke me with a start. The crippled bus coasted to a stop on the shoulder. After checking out the engine, the driver informed us that we were stranded and would have to wait for another bus to pick us up. My time was precious, and I had no intention of wasting it there by the side of the road. I claimed my bag and stuck out my thumb. A few cars passed me by before a big Lincoln pulled over and beeped.

The driver was a nice-looking guy in his mid to late thirties. He was a salesman on a business trip and he wanted someone to talk to and share the driving. Our destinations were the same so I was more than happy to provide small talk in exchange for the ride. It was easy work because he monopolized the conversation. He said that he was happily married and proudly showed me a picture of his pretty wife with their three young daughters. He talked about his family for nearly an hour, and then, right out of the blue, he said, "The two things I love most are ...

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